Marriage Betrayal ... One Year Later



This is the last post 
that I plan to write 
about our marriage infidelity.

It never gets easier to write about.


But I promised myself in the beginning
I would journal
for a year
about the process
as much for others
faced with the situation
as 
myself.


I wanted to record and remember 
the journey
not only as a reminder 
not to once again 
go to sleep at the marriage helm

but

to also document what I have learned over the 
last year.




So many of the first months were
excruciatingly hard.
I wrote about them
below ....



So many months
I really wondered
if this was something I could survive.


Which is why writing 
and 
remembering is hard
even
my closing here with
month 11 and 12.




But one of the best things I have learned 
along the way
is
feelings can flow in like ocean waves
and 
they can flow right back out again.




One of the best comments of advice I received on my 
blog was ...

'One thing that helped me cope with the need to revisit the pain and to distance myself from it was a "mantra" that I repeated over and over:

"I know and it hurt me very much but I have felt it and now I am letting it pass."'





Feelings and fears 
still come up
but I let them flow through
and 
ask if they are relevant
or simply shadows of past wounds
trying to vey for attention.


Jeff and I  have spent the last year in marriage counseling
as well
and 
still go monthly
for  what feels like tune ups.
And just by going it is a reminder 
to keep our marriage a priority.



The path back to restoring the health and quality
of our marriage
was
hard and messy.
But we both persevered.
Neither of us ever wavered in our determination
to repair our marriage.
We both know our marriage is stronger than ever now.
We have both realized
how very much we do love each other
and
our life together.





I know my heart will always carry the scar of betrayal
but 
I can decide 
if that wound
will make me 
less or more.


I am  choosing
to have the scar make me
 more.




More loving.

More empathetic to the pain in others.

More resilient and strong.

More in the present.

More conscious of what it takes to have a healthy marriage.

More free to give myself grace and self care.
I am now tenacious with my
self care
and
mental health.


I have never been afraid of visual
physical scars
because I believe they always tell a story.



Let it be so with emotional scars.
Scars  don't define a person
when kept in check.

Emotional scars can help  tell a  soul story
and 
can be a  heartfelt reminder
to 
BE MORE.



So for anyone going through
this journey in heartache
and 
wondering 
like I did a year ago

if you can survive.

Let me tell you 
YOU CAN Survive.


Whether the answer for you 
is to stay 
or go
only you can decide
but ...


You can survive it
and 
choose to come out more.


The road is hard and ever so painful but
 the choice to
 come out with more
is 
yours.






As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life















9 comments:

  1. You always touch my heart Tamera. Much love to you.

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  2. Beautiful pictures of a beautiful soul, Tamera. Your wise words resonate with us all. Wishing you both health and happiness in the New Year. xxx

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  3. SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
    YOU LOOK STUNNING BY THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!
    ANY NEW JEWELRY PIECES IN THE MAKING FOR SALE?
    I NEED TO GO PEEK IN YOUR SHOP!!!!!!!
    I'm a FAN of MORE IS MORE!!!
    MAYBE BE MORE will be my new words for 2019........I have yet to come up with a WORD!!
    ANY IDEAS for ME!!!
    XX

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  4. Stunning outfit, Tamera ! LOVE it!

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  5. Your feeling always shine so through your writing and today is no different. What you say holds so many truths, and I am in awe of your willingness to share them.
    Here's to a fabulous new year.
    XOOX
    Jodie

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  6. I just got to know your blog since a few weeks, so I missed all this. What an awfull experience and how strong ,the both, of you are to fight for the mariage!

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  7. 2019..... and if you wouldn't decide to leave your marriage problems behind I would wish you to do so.. forget what hurt you in the past but never forget what you have learnt from it. With my fond wishes for
    you in 2019 for health and happiness.

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  8. Happy New Year, Tamera! I bow down to you for surviving then thriving and for sharing your deeply felt, personal pain. xo

    ReplyDelete