Tamera Beardsley: Marriage Betrayal ... One Year Later

This is the last post

that I plan to write

about our marriage infidelity.

It never gets easier to write about.

But I promised myself in the beginning

I would journal
for a year

about the process

as much for others

faced with the situation

myself.

I wanted to record and remember

the journey

not only as a reminder

not to once again

go to sleep at the marriage helm

but

to also document what I have learned over the

last year.

So many of the first months were

excruciatingly hard.
I wrote about them
below ....

Surviving Marital Betrayal

Picking Up the Pieces After Marital Betrayal

Marriage Betrayal and Silver Linings

So many months
I really wondered
if this was something I could survive.

Which is why writing

and

remembering is hard
even
my closing here with
month 11 and 12.

But one of the best things I have learned

along the way

feelings can flow in like ocean waves

and

they can flow right back out again.

One of the best comments of advice I received on my

blog was ...

'One thing that helped me cope with the need to revisit the pain and to distance myself from it was a "mantra" that I repeated over and over:

"I know and it hurt me very much but I have felt it and now I am letting it pass."'

Feelings and fears

still come up

but I let them flow through

and

ask if they are relevant

or simply shadows of past wounds

trying to vey for attention.

Jeff and I have spent the last year in marriage counseling
as well

and

still go monthly

for what feels like tune ups.

And just by going it is a reminder

to keep our marriage a priority.

The path back to restoring the health and quality
of our marriage
was
hard and messy.
But we both persevered.
Neither of us ever wavered in our determination
to repair our marriage.
We both know our marriage is stronger than ever now.
We have both realized
how very much we do love each other
and
our life together.

I know my heart will always carry the scar of betrayal

but

I can decide

if that wound

will make me

less or more.

I am choosing

to have the scar make me

more.

More loving.

More empathetic to the pain in others.

More resilient and strong.

More in the present.

More conscious of what it takes to have a healthy marriage.

More free to give myself grace and self care.
I am now tenacious with my
self care
and
mental health.

I have never been afraid of visual

physical scars

because I believe they always tell a story.

Let it be so with emotional scars.

Scars don't define a person

when kept in check.

Emotional scars can help tell a soul story

and

can be a heartfelt reminder

BE MORE.

So for anyone going through

this journey in heartache

and

wondering

like I did a year ago

if you can survive.

Let me tell you

YOU CAN Survive.

Whether the answer for you

is to stay

or go
only you can decide
but ...

You can survive it

and

choose to come out more.

The road is hard and ever so painful but

the choice to
come out with more

yours.

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life

Here are the links to the year of writing on
Marital Betrayal