Picking Up The Pieces ... After A Marriage Betrayal

Today I am three months  into dealing with the aftermath of a

Marriage Betrayal

And what a ride it's been.
It's affected my physical and mental health so much
both kinds of doctor visits make up my weeks now.
I know it will take a village and so much time
to put myself back together.

But hopefully,  just hopefully

I am getting more clarity and more healing about our situation.

Enough clarity and healing

that I can spend more time focusing on the 

silver linings and lessons

and 

less time overcome with the heart wrenching pain of 

Betrayal.

The best 

Silver Lining 

has been my husband and I realizing that

we still passionately love each other.

We had literally been asleep at the wheel of our marriage

for almost a decade.

The kind of asleep

where a relationship is just  taken for granted.

and

falls not only down the list of life priorities

but 

almost all the way off.

Through weeks and weeks of real, honest and gut wrenching conversations

and 

marriage counseling

we have been able to begin to  see how we got 'there'.

Where we began to check out emotionally

rather than brave uncomfortable and honest conversations that needed to happen.

The fact that 

we can now talk honestly about 

anything and everything

is another silver lining.

The fact that my husband now values

talking about feelings and emotions

has been such a win out of this situation.

He and I have reprioritized our relationship to the top of our life list.

I finally feel a strong desire to move from the 

Surviving Betrayal Mode

to the 

Thriving After Betrayal Mode.

I am committed to finding all the

Silver Linings

and 

Lessons To Be Learned

from this situation.

Lessons about he and I together

and 

Lessons about each of us personally.
Digging deeper into who I really want to be
and
what I really want my life to look like.

I know the journey  to real healing
will still be a very long one
but with

 strong intent and vision

of where we want to go

 can be a strong and insightful

traveling partner on the road ahead.

I am highly invested in 

Self Care
even more so

these days.

From starting my mornings once again with

Coffee, Candles and Gratitude

before sunrise

to 

Daily Pilates and nature hikes.
Working on my wardrobe
calms me
and 
gives me something concrete
that I know I can control and totally effect.

And most importantly is giving myself a ton of 

Grace and Kindness

like never before.

I still can't accomplish things the way I used too

but for the first time since I 'found out'

I can begin to feel 

myself
ever so 
 slowly come back.

And  

hopefully it will be
a stronger

deeper

more insightful and loving

version of myself.

My darling daughter asked me last week

if I would rather have lived with the same marriage her Dad and I  had

for another 20 years

or

have gone through what we have

and 

come out the other side 

with the passionate and committed marriage we have now.

I can say now

almost 3 months into 

Picking Up The Pieces After A Marriage Betrayal

I can  say I would choose the change.

But a month or two ago I didn't even know if I could survive the heartbreak.

So time,  love and the commitment from my husband

and
 sincere love and  intent on both our ends

has me hopeful on the healing

and 

thriving front.

That being said
the real truth
 is also that some days
and
even moments
are so excruciatingly hard
I wouldn't wish a situation like this on my worst enemy.
Triggers that come out of no where
and
can have me feeling faint
and
 fighting panic attacks.
In an instant
I can go back to the mind numbing pain
of  this betrayal.


But as so many times in life
the situation now
is what it is.

So  for me
my life choice must be
to fight hard to make the best of our situation
and
pick up the pieces with love and grace.



Working daily to become the very best version of myself.
To drown myself in life's beauty.
To focus madly on the good and dear in life.
To push the good moments deep into my heart
never to be forgotten.

All the while accepting the pain when it arises.

I can acknowledge the pain
feel it
but
 I can alos teach myself not to live in it.

One of my favorite Fierce 50 Sisters and blogger
Anita By Design

left a comment on my Instagram
 that truly touched my heart.

Especially because Anita is walking through

an unbelievably hard life walk right now

with her dear husband's cancer.

She has handled her current life situation

with the utmost grace, courage and love
and
I am continuelly inspired by her.

If you want to be learn more about the beautiful inside and out
you can go here to Anita By Design.

Her comment was

"Yes my sister. 
There are lessons in the trials.
 If we will humble ourselves and pay attention,

God has beautiful treasures 
along the road to recovery.

 What some may perceive as 

tragedy
could very well be the event that

saves a marriage."

I am writing here today

not just about 

Marriage Betrayal

but the bigger issue that

life at one time or another

is hard on us all

so it is so important 

to learn to
dig deep

with courage and grace
as we move through life's trials.

One of my favorite quotes  and advice right now
that really strikes a cord with me
is by Nora Ephron

"Above all
be the Heroine of your life
not the victim.

Surrounding yourself with

strong, big hearted women

is pretty darn good advice too.

As always my friends

Wishing you love and joy

As you style your life