The house is quiet.
The bandage has been pulled.
The waves of sorrow flow in as expected.
She has moved out of our family home
most likely for the final time.
I have had this feeling of loss before with her.
Years ago for the first time
dropping her off for kindergarten
was a precursor
for the grief I felt at her college drop off.
Each time I know the crashing heart pain is cresting as I wait for the event
realizing it is with true courage we love our children fiercely.
I will sit quietly
remember when she was mine
for a bit
as a helpless infant
but all the time
I have been preparing her for this day too.
To set out in life
with her one true love
to prepare to begin a life of their own.
The irony to truly love a child fiercely
with always their greatest good a priority
we too prepare
for the separation
that comes from healthy parenting.
This time I am better prepared
for the void
I have learned well the last four years.
Learned to not only care for her needs
but mine as well.
so many emotions swirling inside
need to be gracefully sorted through.
some of the pain is in the opening up
of past latent sorrows
swirling around in a strange concoction
that is a confusing blur of pain now and then.
I let the pain come in
I acknowledge it's presence
as well as quietly recognizing the ghostly shadows
of pain past.
I mark today in my heart
as yet another of life's transitioning moments.
I put deep down into my heart
the beauty to be found in the bittersweet moments in life.
I am happy how I handled the departure with
courage and grace.
That I no longer mask my pain
in anger towards others.
But rather muster up all the love I have to give.
Happy that I take pause and acknowledged
even great transitions
come with pain and fear.
Acceptance of the heartache
fear of the new
letting go of the known.
By taking time to fully acknowledge the moment
I can now move forward to
Glad she and I made it through the summer
in the best possible way
since neither of us chose to have her move back
we rather accepted the situation as necessary.
I can know that my sad will this time flow through
making way for glad.
Glad I knowI can show up all in
even knowing the pain to be.
For I have learned not only self care over the last four years
I have learned
my heart is mighty and strong
it might crack now and again
but with each crack
it heals even stronger and larger than before.
Ellis I send you off with
so much love
I will always love you to the moon and back!
You will always be a part of me.
All the very, very best to you in your newest chapter.
You and I
have worked hard for this day.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life