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65th Beach Birthday Celebration

I turned 65 this week
which is a really big number to me.
I am usually all good with turning another year older
realizing what a gift it is.

This year I think it's because  the number
 is most commonly seen as a retiring number
I have so much more I want to do professionally.
Which means it's up to me
to write my own definition of 
what it means to be 65.

65 is a number not to be trifled with.
For me it is a wake up call 
to really dig deep and get clarity
on just what I still want to accomplish.
There is no more time for excuses
' some day I'll ...."

It's also an age for gratitude and self compassion
for all I have accomplished.

Time for big gratitude for my wonderful family.

It is also an age that made me feel deeply the loss
in my most recent post.

But one of the greatest lessons I've learned 
from the estrangement
is to really love on the people who do want to be in my life
to bless those that don't.

I believe hidden within every heartbreak
there can be a gift if we truly look.

I continue to be beyond grateful
that my youngest son and his sweet family moved back!

I am forever grateful for my wonderful girl

I will be forever grateful for the wonderful spouses
both of my children found.
I have always been grateful
but every year I am more so
as I see their  lives  and love continue to evolve.

The  family beach birthday celebration
was the perfect way to start off my 
new year of 
focused intention
redefining for myself 
just what it means to be 65!

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life

Heartbreak of Estrangement


~~~ I wrote this post right after Christmas last year.
It was one of those writings that I just had to put down
because sometimes it helps with the pain..
When I finished writing
my heart was too tender to publish.
I am  publishing today
just in case he ever sees it. ~~~


I think of him most
when I'm taking down 
my memory Christmas trees.
My self discipline not to think
is chipped away at every ornament about him.
I begin to break inside.
How could life have really turned out like this.

The feelings of heartbreak that I've carefully kept at bay all year
come rushing in.
Feelings I have so carefully boxed and stored
deep iinside my heartr
clearly marked
But I can't listen
instead I begin to pick at the healed scars.

Chastising my emotional weakness
for moving on
burying it all deep
because on some days my sanity feels shaky.
There has been so much recent loss
from my parents dying
Jeff losing his job out of the blue 4 years ago
figuring out how to reestablish our finacial security..
His chosen estrangement 
was just too much.

Sometimes we must seal our heart and go into survival mode.
But then out of what feels like the blue
the incredible feel of loss rushes on.

I remember his sweetness as a child.
His earnest love when giving presents.
When I would kiss  him on the cheek
he would  then say
'he was pushing it into his heart'

 I have to wonder
when did I fail him.
Was it an instant?
Was it happening all along for years
way before he ever begin to verbalize his feelings.

We talked about it so many times.
I don't know if even he knows.

But right now
I know 
I have to finish packing away 
these Christmas memories of him.
I must once again seal my heart
because if I don't
I feel  his chosen estrangement 
will drown me in heartbreak
I am still a mother to two other wonderful children
now grandchildren.

I have proven to myself
I am a strong and resilient  woman.

I will once again refocus on 
all that I have to be grateful for..

But just in case you were wondering
 Slater Saunders Beardsley
I still love you.
I always will.

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life

San Diego Birthday Celebration at the Lafayette Hotel

We headed down to San Diego last week to the
to celebrate our gorgeous girl turning 32!

The Lafayette Hotel 
is the latest venture of
A private 'culinary and social company'
with the goal ...

"to contribute to the dynamic and culture of the city,
elevate communication and cultivate memorable experience"

And boy do they do it well!

Our first stop for the evening was
 to order a cocktail to enjoy outside by the pool.
My daughter had warned us before hand to bring our patience
because the ordering there even when it's not busy is no quick feat!
She was quite right
but their expertly crafted cocktails 
even more important to me
the rich visuals everywhere made it all worthwhile.

We found the perfect photo chair for our celebration!

As someone who drinks chardonney almost exclusively
I was shocked my first visit to the property to find not a drop at any of their multitude of dining choices!
This time back 
I settled into taking a cocktail reccomendation from my girl
of a French 75
And I was so glad I did.
I ended up quite delighted to be nudged out of my usual.

For our dinner reservations we headed down the hall to

The restaurant has cuisine inspired from
Oaxaca Mexico with moles being a specialty
with Antojitos make up much of the menu.

is built from a deconstructed church from Mexico
down to the amazing cobblestone floor
as well as the stunning stained glass windows.

My favorite part is the countless dripping candles everywhere
from the individual tables
to huge candelabras 
all deep with wax.
It made me want to come home and pull out all of my candlelabras
and enjoy the dripping build up!
What a fabulous way to remember memorable times!

Quixote is also a Mezcaleria
with even a special room for tasting.
If this room is your fancy it can even be requested for dining.

The Lafayette Hotel
also has 
which includes 2 bowling lanes and pool tables
all done in the most elegant of styles!

The Lafayette Hotel's latest immersive space just opened
Lou Lou's Jungle Room
which is a live music and supper club
I know I will be adding it to my San Diego list 
of places I can't wait to visit!

Thanks so much for stopping by my friends!
I always appreciate your visit here!

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life

What I Wore for a Beachside Birthday Celebration

It's been cold and windy here in Southern California
so it was the perfect time to break out 
my favorite coat
for a 
Beachside Birthday Celebration
for our darling grandson.

My favorite headwear
 choice for a chilly day at the beach
is always 
a beret.
It does't blow off and it still gives a finished look.

My favorite faux leather pants
were a perfect choice to keep out the cold.

My leather boots meant I never got any sand in my shoes!

I was just so tickled and happy with my outfit.
It took me a while to refine my winter beach attire
especially since I always want an outfit
that addresses the functional needs of the elements
also looks good in case I want to go for dinner or drinks afterward.

Dax's birthday was such a joyful event
as we all celebrated him turning two years old!

The amount of joy these two bring to our life is immense.
I had always heard of the joy of grandchildren
but I always had my doubts if it could really be all that.
It is
 even more.

Just sharing a few captures from our fun filled day!

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life

I Feel Life

This post might be a bit visually jarring
compared to my usual.
It's a little more real life than fab outfits 
but it's so much more me.
By my age I know that life comes with
hard and beautiful
so many times on the same day.
Being closer to the exit sign than the entrance
gives me so much more 
appreciation for 

Yesterday Jeff and I went back to the cemetery
to pack up all the Christmas decorations.
We walked around afterwards like we usually do these days.
By now with three of my family there 
I've come to see the beauty within the cemetery.
It also feels like a club I belong to now.
Walking around I'm not filled with grief
as much as 
reverence for life
empathy for the others who have suffered losses of loved ones.

After our walk 
I always feel compelled to go to the ocean.
It's where I always feel the most grounded
part of something so much bigger than what I can see.

We walk on the pier.
I feel life.

I feel all the beauty and heartache
all at once.
But most of all
I feel love.

I feel love and gratitude 
for all of the life I've lived.

Sending out so much love 
to you
my dear friends.

As always

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life

2023 Wear Recap ... Part Two

I am finishing up my
 2023 Wear Recap
with my beloved creams
in this second part of my recap.

I still have big love for tulle
the ease of vegan leathers
oversized floral brooches
of course my own
Artisan Collection of Accessories
I launched this year!

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life