Month Seven and Eight



I was in the process of writing 
Month 7
in June ... quite a bit into the writing  ... on post betrayal
when my mother died.

Then two days later
my middle son chose to estrange himself from the family
once again.

My dad was in ICU in dire health
five days after we buried my mother.

Our youngest son got married two weeks later.
His Wedding Weekend
was a magnificent time
full of so much love and beauty.


So no surprise after the wedding
I felt I was in an emotional downward spin
and
 fast.
So fast and bad
it scared me to my core.
I started to  be afraid I might be able to see too clearly
how Kate and Anthony might have made the choices they did.

I got in to see my personal therapist
by Thursday.

He helped me untangle the emotional knots one by one.


He reminded me how much progress Jeff and I really have made.
That neither of us are the same people we were 8 months ago.
We are different.
And so is our marriage.
I began to breathe deeper.




Stepping back
I realized 
I did the very best I could with my mother 
the last 8 months of her life.

Ironiclly
as life often does
her health issues started about the same time 
I found out about the betrayal.

She missed Thanksgiving because of a broken back.
She missed Christmas because of a broken hip.
She was hospitalized again
 for pulmonary problems
was released home
and
 was back in the hospital within 24 hours
because she broke her other hip.

All of this was happening while I was dealing with betrayal.

I visited her at least weekly.
I think.
I don't even know for sure.
I was reeling so bad in my own life.
I know I did absolutely as much as I could at the time.

I know her last month 
we visited regularly
bringing dinner.
I have been very cognitive during the last eight months
of making choices I could live with
if something went wrong.

I spoke at her funeral.
We made sure the reception after was full of
love and beauty.

Regarding my oldest son choosing to once again 
estrange himself from the family.
I bless him.
Send him love.
And accept his choice.




For me now
I realize life is short
I want to love on the people in my life
who want to be here.
I choose to live a life of beauty and joy.
I refuse to continue to bleed out emotionally
over his choice.


I am so grateful
my dad recovered
and 
was able to attend Hunter's Wedding Weekend
with my brother.
There were a few days while he was in ICU
I didn't think it would happen.


I am also so very grateful
that I was able to 
savor and enjoy every loving moment
of Hunter and Megan's Wedding Weekend!
Life has been so hard lately
I have truly learned how to double down
and 
immerse myself in the good.
To drink in the good times
deep into my soul. 

I am so proud of not only 
Hunter and Megan
but also 
my daughter Ellis and her husband.
I choose to focus 
on the good in my life
and
 let the other go in peace and love.


I am also so proud of Jeff and I 
all of the work we have put in
to make our marriage
better than it's ever been.




I am a big believer
of taking the bad
learning from it
and 
making things better.
Then doing good with what I know
and
where I can.

To do this I will continue to use every 
Mental Health 
tool in my arsenal.
Including weekly visits to my therapists.
And 
Yes,
I have two.
Sometimes in life
it really does take a village.




As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life



















13 comments:

  1. You are strong and brave and know it is necessary to find professionals to help you find the tools. I have a close family member who needs serious help and will not seek it. Bless you

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Gayle for your encouraging words. And yes, I am a big believer is seeking help when need be. Thank you for reading and commenting dear! xo

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  2. I wish you continued ❤️ love,prayers, strength and courage Tamera!

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  3. O my dear Tamera. One person should not have to go through so much at once, but that's what we women do.

    I commend you for going to therapy. I have gone twice and it has worked wonders. Even if you can confide with friends, we need PROFESSIONAL assistance.I am a firm believer. Stay strong, I know you can do it.

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  4. God bless you, god bless you, god bless you Tamera. Your sharing has sunk deeply into my bones...reminding me of those times when 'life and stuff' gets difficult counseling can make a world of difference. I appreciate this as well: I choose to focus
    on the good in my life
    and
    let the other go in peace and love..... - I believe learning to do that (as difficult as it may seem) could be pretty liberating. My best wishes to you. You are incredibly strong. ~Roxanne

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  5. God bless you Tamera. You have been through so much. You seem like such a strong woman and I know God will see you through this season of your life. Carla

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  6. Blessed are all those who inhabit the village xx

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  7. Like you I've suffered great loss, and it's been a struggle sometimes to keep from slipping off the edge into a downward spiral of severe depression. Just when I'm up and doing well, yesterday I learned my best friend, since we were 15, has metastatic breast cancer, and I am devastated for her and her family and yes, for me. From a mental and emotional perspective I know, from experience, you have to seize the reigns in your own life and work every day to stay balanced and pointed in the right direction. So yes, it takes a village sometimes but aren't we grateful they're there for us? I'll be thinking of you as I call on my village and you call on yours. xoxox, Brenda

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  8. Bless you, Tamera. You’ve had so much to grapple with over the past 8-9 months. Each thing on it’s own would be enough to send one reeling. I’ve been seeing a therapist off and on since I was 14 years old and my mother couldn’t figure out how to deal with a head strong teen. She’s gotten me through divorce, death and too many crisis to remember. Having this support is invaluable and I’m glad you have not one but two wonderful counselors to help you navigate through these challenging times. Family estrangement is something I’ve struggled with as well. It’s incredibly difficult to come to terms with circumstances so far out of our control but I’ve found comfort and strength in your honesty about this issue over the past few years. Your strength, perseverance and determination to use your experiences to learn and grow is an inspiration to me and so many others.

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  9. it seems that only with bad experiences we realize the good things too and looking back you have got
    not only sadness but also joy. you became a more stronger woman ...a precious gift you
    made to yourself. Now stop talking and thinking about the past and look forward in a bright future. With my heartiest wishes

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  10. Thanks for the inspiration that is you and your blog. Found it this AM and feel fortunate. Thanks for being so willing to be so vulnerable and so authentic. Your blog is a blessing to me.

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  11. HANG IN THERE GIRLFRIEND!
    YOU GOT THIS.............
    KEEP BEING YOU!!!!!!!
    XX
    PS. If you want someone to talk too CALL ME!!!!!!

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  12. Wow!! I don't know how you have done it Tamera. I lost my Dad in 2015 (after looking after him for 2 years) and it floored me-shook me to my core and I still am not over it. So I really don't know how you have managed with so much going on emotionally. I know you are a warrior, but I do hope you are taking care of yourself because sometimes emotional trauma can manifest itself physically. Sending you lots of hugs from the UK.

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