Month Seven and Eight

I was in the process of writing 

Month 7

in June ... quite a bit into the writing  ... on post betrayal

when my mother died.

Then two days later

my middle son chose to estrange himself from the family

once again.

My dad was in ICU in dire health

five days after we buried my mother.

Our youngest son got married two weeks later.

His Wedding Weekend

was a magnificent time

full of so much love and beauty.

So no surprise after the wedding

I felt I was in an emotional downward spin

and
 fast.

So fast and bad

it scared me to my core.

I started to  be afraid I might be able to see too clearly

how Kate and Anthony might have made the choices they did.

I got in to see my personal therapist

by Thursday.

He helped me untangle the emotional knots one by one.

He reminded me how much progress Jeff and I really have made.

That neither of us are the same people we were 8 months ago.

We are different.

And so is our marriage.

I began to breathe deeper.

Stepping back

I realized 

I did the very best I could with my mother 

the last 8 months of her life.

Ironiclly

as life often does

her health issues started about the same time 

I found out about the betrayal.

She missed Thanksgiving because of a broken back.

She missed Christmas because of a broken hip.

She was hospitalized again

 for pulmonary problems

was released home

and
 was back in the hospital within 24 hours

because she broke her other hip.

All of this was happening while I was dealing with betrayal.

I visited her at least weekly.

I think.

I don't even know for sure.

I was reeling so bad in my own life.

I know I did absolutely as much as I could at the time.

I know her last month 

we visited regularly

bringing dinner.

I have been very cognitive during the last eight months

of making choices I could live with

if something went wrong.

I spoke at her funeral.

We made sure the reception after was full of

love and beauty.

Regarding my oldest son choosing to once again 

estrange himself from the family.

I bless him.

Send him love.

And accept his choice.

For me now

I realize life is short

I want to love on the people in my life

who want to be here.

I choose to live a life of beauty and joy.

I refuse to continue to bleed out emotionally

over his choice.

I am so grateful

my dad recovered

and 

was able to attend Hunter's Wedding Weekend

with my brother.

There were a few days while he was in ICU

I didn't think it would happen.

I am also so very grateful

that I was able to 

savor and enjoy every loving moment

of Hunter and Megan's Wedding Weekend!

Life has been so hard lately

I have truly learned how to double down

and 

immerse myself in the good.

To drink in the good times

deep into my soul. 

I am so proud of not only 

Hunter and Megan

but also 

my daughter Ellis and her husband.

I choose to focus 

on the good in my life

and

 let the other go in peace and love.

I am also so proud of Jeff and I 

all of the work we have put in

to make our marriage

better than it's ever been.

I am a big believer

of taking the bad

learning from it

and 

making things better.
Then doing good with what I know
and
where I can.

To do this I will continue to use every 

Mental Health 

tool in my arsenal.

Including weekly visits to my therapists.

And 

Yes,

I have two.

Sometimes in life

it really does take a village.

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy

as you style your life

Here are my other writings on the subject ~

Surviving Marital Betrayal

Picking Up the Pieces After Marital Betrayal

Marriage Betrayal and Silver Linings

Month 5

Month 6