Month Six ...


It's been six months since I learned about his betrayal.

The monthly date reminders
always feel like a litmus test of 
how I'm doing 
and 
where I am 
in my healing process.

And every month
I hope this is the month I can finally put it all 
behind me.

Behind us.

I keep telling myself I can power through the healing
quicker than others.
I have always been an over achiever.

And every month
as soon as I get in that mind set
the wave of remembering
comes 
crashing down 
like a tsunami
with the slightest provocation.




You see
I grew up 
needing to be an over achiever in my life.
My sister had down syndrome and all the health risks that came with it.

So I always felt a need to over compensate for it
or 
even more truthfully
maybe I was just trying to get my parents attention.

Either way 
all through school, college, career
and 
even raising children
I felt an internal impetus
to over achieve.


I really thought I could power through
healing from 
Marital Betrayal.

I have now realized 
I can't.
And I don't think that's even the riddle any more.




Six months into 
self healing
marital healing
and 
my husband's healing

I am realizing the gift of this process.

We are at a point now
that we can investigate
together and separate
at a deeper level

how we got there.


I call it a gift
in that without the betrayal
neither of us would be as invested
in 
looking deep within ourselves
with the intent to 
honestly become better people 
together
and 
separately.

As I heal more
I am reminded
that I had plenty of issues
before the betrayal
that I need to work on.

I am no longer willing to live a life of ignoring personal issues
that I can improve.




We have both committed to more individual therapy
as well as our marriage counseling.

It's all been a very brutal process
on both of us
but with the horrible days
when I feel my weakest, neediest, messiest
I have been in this process long enough to know by now ....




There will be a next day
where I will come together again
each time stronger from the last.

I need to give myself the grace of time
in healing.

I need to give myself the opportunities
to reflect and grow.

I need to invest in self care
like never before.

I need to invest in daily gratitude and beauty.




Six months in
we are finally beginning to get our house in order
both
literally and figuratively.
And that feels so good.

We went at least four months
with an unmade bed
gardens unattended
no flowers in the house.

This month
more than any other since November
we are retaking our house and gardens
little by little.

This month our house once again has weekly flower arrangements.




I am also slowly getting my artistic creativity back.
Which in itself
helps restore my own life confidence.
Because it wasn't too long ago
I felt so broken
I really didn't even know if it would 
or could
even return.

But it has  returned 
like a long lost friend.
And 
boy oh boy
am I glad!!!

I embellished my Costco umbrella with macrame garland
from Target's new Opal House collection.
I love it so much I have ordered enough to do my second umbrella!


In the end of reflecting on my month six

I am reminding myself
to

~ continue to invest highly in gratitude.

~give myself time and grace during my healing
letting go of my need to over achieve
it really has not served me well.

~ to remember the importance of self care

~ I am more committed than ever on continuing therapy
both for marriage and self.


Life is too short not to invest in all the tools possible
to live a better 
more passionate life.




As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life.





Here are my other writings on the subject 












9 comments:

  1. You are an amazing woman.

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    1. Kathy thank you so much! That means a great deal to me, coming from you dear! xo

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  2. Very brave! Good luck on the two of you!

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    1. Nancy thank you very much for your kind wishes dear!

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  3. Hello there! You are wise and you are doing well. You will get there. My husband was involved with another woman, though I don't know to what extent. Long phone calls were all I could ever sleuth out and that was painful enough. We argued, etc. He promised to stop, then it would happen again. I wasted so much time being mad at him. Then last year, at age 58, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and a short 8 weeks later he was gone. How I wish I could have him back, phone calls to her and all. In the end, we are all just human. And I wonder if it's even realistic to expect that only one person in life can fulfill all the needs we have. I consider myself blessed to have had him as long as I did (35 years), he was a good man who did love me very much. He was not perfect, and neither am I. Life is just so damned short and transient. Embrace the love, for in the end, that's the only thing that truly matters. Be well.

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    1. Thank you for your comment dear. It is a good reminder ... and I do actually think of that often. At our age, I realize my husband and I only have just so much more time on the planet. I truly appreciate you taking the time to leave such a thoughtful and encouraging comment. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you big hugs of comfort.

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    2. Thank you doll. I am still healing and in grief, but at the same time, I am trying to embrace life again, it is just so precious. I know I will see him again and that is a very comforting thought. Until then, I must soldier on and try and soak up all the happiness and goodness that life has to offer. And your beautiful and inspiring blog is one of them! One of my daughters lives in Austin....I wonder why I have never noticed Saint Cecilia?! It's gorgeous!!! Hugs back to you!

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  4. Tamera - You write so beautifully, and by opening your feelings and heart to us, your faithful readers, you truly are doing a community service. Your path to healing is inspirational. I am so happy you two have both made a commitment making your marriage work and that you share your journey with us. We, who have gone through this same journey (twice for me), may not have a partner that was willing or able to go through full journey, and quite frankly with me, I'm happy it did not work out. The third time was a complete charm for me. You best believe Jim and I both cherish our marriage and know how and why it is always our first priority.

    BTW, how in the world do you find, then rework all your wonderful accessories like the macrame' wall hanging? I LOVE IT! Who, but you, would have ever thought to attach it to an outdoor umbrella?

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  5. As always, a beautiful and inspiring post Tamera. Those hand-holding photos are very special - I am a great believer in the power of touch between couples, even or especially, during the rough times. You are both wonderfully committed, and I wish you so much love and happiness forever.
    PS Fabulous necklace in pic No. 1!! xox

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