View From An Emptied Nest



I feel I have't really written here is ages.
But there has been a lot of things going on
from a Mom's heart  perspective
behind all the pictures of pretty clothes, crowns and parties.

There is our daughter's wedding in less thank two months
I now understand fully the drama and havoc
weddings can throw into your life.
As well as moments of 
extreme sentiment.

There was my youngest and final child
moving out at the beginning of the year.
which for me always comes with 
time spent grieving
before taking a deep breath
and 
fully realizing in my heart
 the achievement for all involved.

There has been the untangling
of an estrangement 
with my oldest son.
Something that was so tender in my heart
I dared not write about it
until
I could exhale 
and
know we were truly
good and solid.
This is a story and a process
unto it's self
that I will share at a later date
with my son's permission.


I am writing today
as a letter to myself
to remember the journey
of 
A Nest Emptied.

I know I won't always feel this way
I  will eventually fully cross this river of  yet another
life transition.

But right now
it feels still a bit odd.
Not all  bad by any means
Just so strange.

Last week I finished 
changing out a final bedroom
into another
closet/guest room.

For me
clearing out the old
and
 repurposing what is left
helps me move on emotionally
Tidy closets full of organized wardrobe
help fill in the void.
Not a perfect solution
but 
a solution that is good for the now.


It's definitely not that I want any of my children to move back home
for I am wildly proud of them
for supporting themselves
and 
the courage they have
to take life on 
each in their own ways.

I think what I miss is
 the definiteness of purpose 
in my life.


When I was pregnant
and 
while my children were growing up
there seemed to be so much information on motherhood
during those growing children into adult phases.

But then the information stopped

or
maybe
 I was so certain that I thought
I already knew what an empty nest
looked like
I never searched

or
maybe
I think really
I was so invested in raising my children 
the very best I could
I simply didn't  or couldn't look ahead.


Most likely because 
I loved them all so fiercely
I couldn't even imagine a day
when they would all be gone 
from our family home.


And don't misunderstand
some days I can bask in the glow of a job well done
and 
a calm, cozy home
with closet spaces
 my wardrobe has taken over.

But then there are days 
I wake to a life I don't even recognize.
And a heart that hurts so much
I wish I could just reach into my chest
so I could pull it out
and
set it on a shelf
just for a respite from the stabbing pain.
Just a break from a heartache.


Some days my life just all feels so different.
I feel like I can't quite get
solid footing.

Maybe
it's just that there seems to be so much flux in each of my children's lives.

We have been preparing 
for over a year
for our daughter's wedding in May.

I have been so highly invested in 
untangling the estrangement 
with my oldest son
for the last year.
So afraid
I'd make a mistake
and
it would all come undone.


I am still letting it settle in my heart
that my youngest moved out and on.
We have weekly dinners with him
and 
he and I do breakfast on our own 
once a month.
So we are all 'good.'


Maybe it's that  all these changes
that have me so emotional.

Maybe it's still
learning the  always 
transforming
that is
Holding On and Letting Go.
That life with children
is always about.


But I do know
it's just so important
to
take the time and reflect
on
a journey
that at times
seems to be speeding by.

To take the time
to savor
the bitter
which so often is
served with such sweetness in life.

I have always
found change a challenge.

So maybe
it's just giving myself 
time and grace
to get used to this new view
that is 
An Emptied Nest.


I have no doubt
I will eventually
fully realize
the beauty
in this newest
Life View.

But I have a fierce
Loving Momma's Heart.

So I will give myself time.



As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life












10 comments:

  1. So well expressed it takes courage to look at this face on. From an old hand at this!!! you will survive with a few bruises but also different joys. In a way it puts us face to face with our mortality, time is running away from us, so now you have to put yourself first, not so easy when you have done it for your children but it is imperative, and to take every moment as a treasure as long as you have your health.. You will find your way, be assured, all mothers have to deal with this. I am certain you will be fine. All the best.
    Annie v.


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  2. I'm already dreading the day the "little" one will leave, and he is only 8! Maybe it's because the older one went to college so close to home and came home frequently. Plus, I was so busy with the little one. I know I couldn't truly understand all my friends whose last or only children went off to college along with my older son six years ago. It was easy for me. Too easy. Although there were certainly very emotional and difficult moments as well... I feel/know the experience the second time will be entirely different.

    Wishing you all the best! And thanks for sharing your experiences! I'm taking it all in, and I'm sure it will help me prepare for that day that seems so far away but will come all too soon...

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  3. love reading your feelings about this x

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  4. I can understand your position even though my children are still young, as I am very sentimental at each passing phase. Then I stop and think : but I would not want them not to grow, to develop, to change because that would mean something were fundamentally wrong. No, I think sentimentality and joy reside side by side in this gift of mothering. I have already flagged to my husband that the empty nest time will be a black one for me. You just know - it is just how we are.......

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  5. Beautifully expressed.
    (And that song has been on my playlist for the last two years as I've faced life challenges - it was a great comfort)

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  6. Thank you for a such a sensitively written post and equally sensitive photos. And I love that you too are drawn to song lyrics that capture moments in our lives so perfectly, sometimes so simply ...

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  7. letting go where or whatever it is can be tough but also liberating.

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  8. Tamera, Thank you so much for sharing your journey. My youngest is a sophomore in HS and my oldest is graduating from college next month and moving 10 hours away for law school. I have always been a stay at home mom and I can predict that the empty nest will hit me hard. Because of you sharing your story I know that it is important to allow myself to feel the heartache rather than try to ignore/deny it. Thank you again for sharing not only the pretty, but also the painful realities of life. Sandy

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  9. :-) So beautifully written!
    Have a lovely and very HAPPY week :-)

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  10. Tamara this is so real. Thsnk you for sharing. I have one child left in the nest out of four but not for long. He will be transfering to UC from city college next year. I have always known this season would be difficult and almost unbearable at times. And it truly is. But like you I homeschooled my children so I was used to being surrounded by them 24/7. That is the strangest part to navigate (for me). Now I think that I am definetly overly attatched to my little maltese Bella Bleu but she has surely saved me from loneliness. If only we lived closer, we could ride our bikes to the beach together, laugh and cry together. It is a bitthersweet season but we will embrace the beauty in even this. Love to you. xx Kerrie

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