Navigating my Mother of the Bride Role


Those of you who follow my blog
know by now
we are in wedding mode at our house.

After a most romantic engagement
last September
and 
a memorable
engagement party last November
we are now in the throes 
of real planning …

It has taken me a while to really be excited at the prospect
and
I just couldn't put my finger on why.


I couldn't be happier with my daughter's choice
in the man she is going to marry.
He is such a hard working young man
with true character and integrity 
and 
loves my daughter dearly.
Trust me
he makes this momma's heart feel truly blessed.


I wondered if my reluctance in excitement
had to do with the money involved
but that has all been  addressed
and 
taken care of.
So that is definitely not it.


Then for a moment
I even winced at the possibility
(God forbid)
that maybe my lack of enthusiasm
was because I had turned into 
a self centered woman
who was only interested in things
centering on  herself.
But then I quickly  remembered
I would do anything for my children…
so that definitely 
(thank heavens)
wasn't it either.


So what is it I have wondered.


I don't even think I know for sure.
Maybe it's a lot of different layers that I 
need to pull back
so that I can truly savor every moment
of
being
Mother of the Bride.


I wonder …
if I thought by the time of my daughters wedding
life would be lined up 
perfectly.
What ever that means.

I remember
when I realized I was pregnant with my daughter
I  had the  thought that 
I should have had  my life perfectly lined up
and 
be a real grownup
before having children
But I was only me at the time.

And
now I know
having life perfectly lined up
is only
a  misconceptions of youth.


Maybe planning a wedding for one child
when another
has chosen to be estranged from our family
is a lot like the holidays.
A huge mirrored reflection
of the  searing pain in my heart
that never goes away
and
at best
can
on the good days
 be boxed up
and
 buried deep inside my heart
in order to be able
to move through my  days.


Maybe 
I have yet to update my
idea of
the mother of the bride
from when I was young
and
 it all 
sounded just so old and irrelevant to me.

Or
Maybe
I am dragging my feet
emotionally
because I really just can't stand the idea of 
letting go of my little girl.
Ever.


I do know for me
 stopping to reflect and examine my emotions
on the subject of being
 the Mother of the Bride
does 
give me clarity
and
 by doing so
I can hang them out on the line
in such  a way that I can claim
all of  them as mine
and 
by doing so
release them
from 
making their way subtly 
into 
the wedding planning.


Because
the bottom line is
I have tremendous love for my girl
and
will do
 Every. Thing. in my power
to ensure
she has not just
a beautiful
memorable
soulful
wedding
full of love
and
 sacred moments
but
I want the
 journey
getting there
to be filled with the same.

Trust me
this
momma here
will
definitely be rising to the
sacred position of
 Momma of the Bride.

So I can leave her a legacy
of
cherished love.


So she will
have it in her own heart
to pass on to her children.

To me
that's what this is all about.


As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life









39 comments:

  1. what a lovely post, I wish you luck and calmness with the planning. I went to a wedding on the weekend and it went so FAST! Love the pink shoes x

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    1. Ahhh dear Faux … always such a joy to have you visit from down under my dear! Thank you ever so much for your good wishes! xox

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  2. MAKING MEMORIES.....................THATS WHAT WE DO!

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    1. Yes my dear friend … yes … that is what what we do! xox

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  3. From reading this beautifully worded post, I truly believe you have reached "the mother of the bride" title and are wearing it like a queen. Continue to Savor and enjoy this journey.
    Looking forward to seeing you.

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    1. Thank you dearest Trina … and thank you for all of your love and encouragement along this wedding journey. It is a gift to my soul … to know you are there to turn to … in the challenging moments. Much love. Counting down the days until your visit! xox

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  4. This is so fun following along when you're on the same path I am at this time. I took my daughter dress shopping yesterday and she found The One! It is so gorgeous, and so her. With the final touches of the veil I actually cried a bit. I am loving this whole process so far. I was hesitant at first because of the finances but once you decided what you can do the joy comes to surface more. At least that's how it's worked for me. And I am so thankful for my new job, which I am really enjoying, and how it came at the perfect time to be able to participate in her desires for her wedding. That really gives me joy. I just want to spoil her, but not too much. ;)
    These pictures are just gorgeous. If I was more in to photography I'd be posting more, but I've come to the realization that I much more enjoy following and reading other's blog than keeping up on my own.
    Looking forward to more of your lovely posts!

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    1. Oh Joni … how wonderfully exciting! Finding The Dress … must make it all seem so real! I sure wish you were still posting my dear! I have checked back many times … to see what You decided to wear! I loved the options you showed … and they got my mind reeling on the possibilities … that's the next step on my coming to terms … with my Mother of the Bride Role! xox

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  5. I absolutely LOVE your honesty. So many times I have to peel back the layers to figure out what exactly is going on, often at 2 AM. For me, it all comes down to love and hope. Do I believe in God, or do I just desperately want there to be one, so all the wrongs will be righted. Keep on forging ahead!

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    1. Thank you Sandie for your kind words. I am a big believer in taking the time to peel back the layers … it makes navigating live so much more intentional for me.

      Love and Hope … two beautiful words to end on. Thank you for your visit my dear! xox

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  6. A beautiful post, Tamera, and I shed a tiny tear for you in the middle, knowing how the box in the heart can sometimes feel. Your insight is breathtaking, and your journey will be wonderful and so very precious. Enjoy the moments, and we will love it when you share, with your exquisite pictures. xx

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    1. Patricia thank you for your heartfelt words … they touch my heart! xox

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  7. Beautifully narrated post. Wishing you well on the planning, nurturing every moment!
    FF

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    1. Many thank Nicolene! I appreciate your well wishes! xox

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  8. As always, your process in thoughtful and insightful. I too am in the midst of helping my daughter plan her wedding, and many of the same issues come up for me. I watch her as she competently makes decisions and navigates this journey with confidence, and realize that she is truly an adult. Time has a way of slipping away!

    Gorgeous photos Tamera. Wishing you the best going forward!

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    1. Congratulations Judith on the upcoming wedding of your gorgeous Camille! How exciting for you both!

      I have been surprised at theses issues that have come up for me … but again … this is just another transition in life … so really should have been expecting such! Does feel better … to have waded through and sorted out some of the emotions though!

      As always, thank you for your visit … and especially sharing your exciting news! I look forward to hearing more about your daughters wedding! xox

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  9. Beautiful words and pictures Tamera! You have touched me heart. As a mother of four boys, I am preparing to be Mother of the Groom for the first time! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thank you Laura! Congratulations not only on your upcoming wedding … but raising four boys as well! xox

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  10. The thing that is certain Tamera is that life does not often go the way we have planned.
    A step at a time your daughters lovely wedding will fall into place and it may be bittersweet for you because you are so close.
    She will appreciate all of the things you have been to her as a Mother all these years and understand.
    Isabella was with me this weekend and it is so hard to believe she is turning 15 in two weeks! I remember so vividly when she was a baby! Ah time does pass on.

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena

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    1. Karena, thank you for your words. Yes, truly often life does not precede as we would have planned and calls for continual navigating of events.

      Please give your beautiful Isabella my very best for her upcoming birthday! Sending big hugs to you both! xox

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  11. What an honest, brave and lovely post. Again, I so identify having been in the place you are five years ago. It is a time of great closeness with your daughter but the result is that she becomes a wife at the culmination, another identify for her, a little bit of loss for you.So your intuitions are telling you to prepare. Like life things ebb and flow and now with the arrival of my grand daughter, another time of intense involvement during the pregnancy and in the first months of new parenthood and I feel a little fear again. It is such a special time I want to make it last forever. I cannot wait to see the photos of the magnificent wedding that will come and most especially you in all of your crowning glory!

    Accidental Icon
    www.accidentalicon.com

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    1. I always so enjoy your visits my dear … and your gifts of meaningful words. Yes, I have no doubt my intuition is telling me to prepare. It has taken me years to once again find an identity outside of motherhood . It is through blogging that I have once again regained a definite sense of self … and if truth be told … this wedding planning has me worring
      about becoming lost once again … as I seem to always be willing to go all in for my daughter … and can so easily get lost in the process.

      Your new adventure with a grandchild … sounds divine.It sounds as though you are savoring and enjoying every moment. Sending congratulatory hugs to the three of you! xox

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  12. Transition, even good transition is hard. It pulls us in all sorts of directions. I totally understand. As things start to fall into place I know you'll feel more at ease. Plus, with the lovely Tamera at the helm, this is going to be the most gorgeous wedding ever. Big Hug.

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    1. Sweet Connie thank you for your understanding words my dear! They touch my heart! xox

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  13. Tamera - Just read about"Vow to be Chic" a company started by a Santa Barbara native. Being a bridesmaid is very expensive and their dress is usually just worn once. This company offers luxury style options for bridesmaids to rent their dresses. You may want to go to their website.

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    1. Catherine thank you for passing on this fabulous idea! I have made notes to tell Ellis about this today! xox

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  14. It is an exciting and emotional time being bother of the bride or groom. A bit like a roller coaster ride. I found choosing my outright for both my daughters and sons weddings very challenging. I kept changing my mind. Good luck and enjoy.

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    1. Oh yes, this is exactly where I am at this stage! Once we have the venue nailed down … deciding what to wear … goes to the top of my list! I am open to any wedding advice you may have my dear … it sounds like you must have a lot of wisdom regarding wedding of children! xox

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  15. Hello dear Tamera, very thought provoking but what I am reading is that I think that its a little of letting your child go and entrusting someone else as much as you love and approve of him, to take care of all her needs, and that is hard as a mother! Go with your feelings, work through them and I bet you come out the other side at your dear daughter's wedding in a very happy place emotionally! your love for your daughter and her love for you wont change, it will develop as two adults now and will become a different kind of relationship more as equals now instead of mother/daughter. A comradeship if that's how you spell it!! I am sure you probably have that already! Embrace the exciting journey that is mother of the bride, it is very important the role you have and you will shine as always dear friend! Happy days to you, Catherinexx

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    1. Catherine my dear, it is always such a gift to hear your encouraging words. They are gifts to my heart. And yes, you are quite right about moving into the realm of a new relationship in comradeship. I can often feel the shift … and I am grateful for the changes … most days. I just need to remember about what is to be gained and gratitude for what is now. Thank you for that reminder … and your beautiful well wishes! Big hugs to you! xox

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  16. Dear Tamera,I am reading this with tears streaming down my face both for me and for you as you face this both wonderful and confronting time in your life. I fully understand the feelings of finally letting go and seeing our children forge new lives without us being the centre of their universe.I know you will be the most truly beautiful and supportive mother of the bride and I will enjoy seeing the process as it unfolds.Jill xx

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    1. Dearest Jill … thank you for your understanding and comforting words. I appreciate your encouragement and kind words as well. It is a wonderful thing … to forge friendships and understanding … with people a half a world away. Please know your words touch my heart. xox

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  17. Prayers for strength. Our only child has estranged herself from our lives. It is a sad journey, but also one that has given us tremendous faith in our Savior. God bless, and congratulations to your daughter. :)

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    1. I am so sorry to hear of your situation regarding your daughter … I know how hard estrangement can be …I can only imagine when it happens with an only child. Sending you hugs and thoughts of comfort my dear! xox

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  18. Congratulations to your lovely daughter Tamera. She'll be a stunning bride!
    You, of course, will be a wonderful MotB!
    And what a marvelous moment to reunite all your family with love!
    Best wishes.

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    1. Why thank you my dear for your beautifully congratulatory words … "to reunite our family with love" … wonderfully said! xox

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  19. Awww....what a sweet and touching post, Tamera~ I know the wedding will be amazing and you will be a most gracious Mother of the Bride~ I think everyone has some sort of anxiety about being in that role, it goes with the territory, but that feeling will evaporate once the day arrives...it will be an amazing celebration, can't wait to hear about all the details! See you Saturday~ xxooA

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    1. Thank you Andrea for your kind words my dear! I do like to work out my emotions before events occurs … so I can be all in when the time comes! Ellis and I can't wait to finally get into the details … once a venue is finally found!

      Can't wait to see you tomorrow! xox

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  20. All in all it is the bride and groom that make the day, all the rest are details. Beautiful, but details nontheless. Sounds like the bride and groom are nailed down and you are happy. First hurdle over! When I look back on my wedding, although I would do it all totally differently today, I would want to replicate the calm sense of rightness I carried. The cake, venue, guests, car, invitations, flowers etc. etc. are changeable and are not deal breakers. If the colour of the flowers doesn't exactly match or turn up incorrect ( as happened at my sister's wedding!), the day will still be a resounding success. Sounds to me like your emotional work is setting the scene perfectly. Holding you in my thoughts, xo Jazzy Jack

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