My 5 Steps For Staying Emotionally Healthy… While Using Social Media


I have been using social media for over four years now
when I started with my blog
followed by Facebook
Instagram
and 
recently I am giving twitter a try.

I have been so appreciative of
the many gifts involved
in the communities I have become a part of
and
especially the wonderful people 
I have met all around the world.

All because of social media.


But I have also realized
that as with many things in life
social media
can become a double edged sword
unless I take good self care
and 
follow my own rules of using
social media
that
I know work for me
in order to stay emotionally  healthy
and
only reap the positives to be had
with using social media.


My number one rule for using 
social media

Never Compare.

This is a big one I learned from using 
social media
and 
luckily has transferred into my offline life as well.

I must admit
there was a time I saw others
and 
compared not only 
myself
but
my life as well.

Then one day
in the midst of a time of being 
broken wide open

I learned to 
appreciate my own story.
Where it was that I came from
and 
how I had been shaped 
by what life had given me.

As soon as I could graciously accept 
my own story
with love and dignity
comparison was no more

only left in the wake
was
empathy
 for others
in the realization that
we are all doing the very best we can
with what we have at the time.

By truly accepting and respecting
myself
and
my own story
with love and grace
 comparison stopped for me

which 
gave me so much more time for joy
and
the ability to  truly revel
in the success of others.


My second rule I  have learned
Don't over identify with  the stats
of social media.

We are not our stats
whether the following be small
or
immense.
Never, ever look to a number
to help to define your self worth.
Concentrate on doing good work
and
being you.


Be sure not to self  identify if followers are few
and 
especially not to self identify 
if followers are many.
They are not markers of self worth
and
it's so easy to lose authenticity
in the chase of more.

For me I like to keep my blog
and
media real.
I share what's beautiful in my  life everyday
and 
I share the challenging parts too.
Because sometimes that's where 
the most meaningful connections are made.
I think we all can come together more easily
in the realizations 
that life is hard on us all at one time or another
and 
it is so comforting to know
we are not alone when it does.


The times that I loose sight of 
this aspect of my particular blog
and 
start doing things simply to boost
my stats
I lose the joy of  authentic sharing
and 
true connections.

Nothing has ever thrown me off my personal track
more than attending blogging conferences
with the intent of growing a following.

For me
I am much happier
sharing the beauty in my everyday
and 
sharing what I have learned
about self care
and
Crowning Yourself.


Don't Take Anything Personally


This is something I have learned with age.
Luckily for me
mean comments have been few and far between
but when I do get them
I let them roll off my back immediately
because I know any anger posted 
really has nothing to do with me.

I know this because years ago
when I was a bonafide
practicing perfectionist
I was wound so tight
and
so unhappy because of it
I flashed anger
at the least provocation 
and
it never really had anything to to with
anybody else
but 
me.


Be Kind.


There can definitely be negativity in social media.

I prefer to ignore this fact
and 
concentrate on
 the good that can be done.

Differing platforms of social media 
offer 
such perfectly easy ways
to share some love and kindness.

My particular favorite is 
Instagram.

But Meaningful comments 
are  such gifts
on any platform.

I know I have been on the receiving end
of 
words left on my blog
that are true gifts to my soul
and
have been life preservers
when my seas of life were
tumultuous.
Never, ever underestimate 
the power of 
heartfelt words.

Anytime I ever become
over interested in my own stats
I know the quickest cure 
is always to go out into the blog sphere
and
instagram
and 
leave some love.


Be Authentic

For me it's all about authenticity.
Both 
what I put out
and 
what I read and respond to.
Maybe that's just me
and 
my history with perfectionism
and
the realization
perfection in life
is a myth.

I personally connect and respond
with 
real
authentic
people and stories.


So that wraps up my 
personal strategy for

Staying Emotionally Healthy 
While Using Social Media.

I'd love to hear any tips
you have to share
on how you keep
the use of
Social Media
 Healthy and Positive.



As always my friends


I  wish you love and joy
as you style your life


PS ~ Congratulations Deb Jackson!
You are the winner of the 
Crown Yourself and Crown a Friend 
Giveaway!






50 comments:

  1. You dear sweet friend, there simply are no other words or advice I could even try to add to this. You have spoken the truth about this topic and the best way for me to respond would be to say Amen! I believe that's why we have so easily connected with one another, we both use social media simply as a way to uplift, share and inspire.
    I have thought of doing a post titled "when I'm not blogging I'm . . . " and listing all the real life little things that seem to occupy my time. Thank you for always being so authentic, real, and caring. Much love to you.

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    1. Trina, thank you dear friend for your beautiful gift of words and heartfelt sentiment! I have been so blessed to have met you 'out here' and have it turn into a true friendship. Your spreading of love and grace … whether it be to your family or the many communities you belong to … has always been an inspiration to me. But most of all … I will always remember, the call you made to me, reaching out … on a day that felt ever so dark.

      I love your post idea …"when I'm not blogging I'm …"! You really must do this! I think that will be a very meaningful post … for I know how much of your time goes into spreading love … and doing good in the world. I send you much love my dear friend! xox

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  2. Fantastic words and insight as always. As a forty-something adult in grad school, I can certainly empathize with your comment on comparisons and our inner perfectionism that can get out of hand. Your path towards self awareness truly shines through. Thanks for sharing with your readers. At a certain stage in our lives we learn to see what we can graciously leave aside in order to be at peace and be caring towards ourselves (and be able to have a good sleep at night, which is what matters in the end, really) wishing you the very best.

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    1. Thank you for your beautiful gift of words my dear! Huge kudos to you for attending grad school! What a beautiful example of investing in self! You write so beautifully, with such wisdom, may I ask what degree you are pursuing?

      Thank you for taking the time to leave such inspirational words! xox

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    2. Dear Tamera, I am Luciana from Edmonton, and I am pursuing my degree in Art History, specializing in Latin American official portraiture and gender during the "long nineteenth century". My story is quite incredible, I grew up in Argentina, where I studied Law, and then emigrated to Canada to accompany my husband who completed his PhD, I raised a family, just like you, stayed home for 12 years and after a sabbatical in Holland (Delft) I became interested and passionate about art. I worked in both private and public galleries as a "gallerina" then decided to start all over again, I completed my undergrad in Art History and Italian and then went right into my MA, which I am hoping to finish this September. So, there you have it! hahaha. Life is what we make of it, thanks for your interest! we'll keep in touch and keep pouring your wisdom and heart into this beautiful project, and above all, crown yourself! :)

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    3. Luciana what a truly remarkable life story my dear! You are a beautiful inspiration and it so lovely to 'meet you'! Life is definitely what we choose to make of it … and you are shining example making the most! Do keep in touch! xox

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  3. A beautiful, insightful post Tabitha. You express so well, and so much better than I ever could, how to get the very best out of social media. I know I set out to make my blog a place of happiness and a way to make myself focus on the positives. Sometimes I slip, but I am only human! The friends around the world are a gift, a source of great happiness and pleasure. Thank you for teaching us how to care and share. xx

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    1. Patricia I so enjoy your blog … and the glimpses into your beautiful life in Australia … I find it a most cheerful visit always! I can feel your focus on the good in life, just by reading it!

      I love your words … "share and care"! beautifully said my dear! xox

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  4. This was full of great advice that can be a challenge to take to heart.

    bisous
    Suzanne
    http://www.suzannecarillo.com

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    1. Thank you Suzanne! You are quite rich about the challenge of taking this advice to take to heart … and I must say I have found being able to do so … one of the very best gifts of aging! I laugh sometimes … thinking what my younger self … would have to say … about the self I am now! :))

      Thank you darling for your visit! xox

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  5. This is why I love your blog. It is, like you, beautiful on the inside as well as outside. Stay positive. I need a beautiful place to come. Cyberspace can be tough! Love, Kathy@ Wearyourcrowns.com

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    1. Kathy my dear, thank you for your sweet words! You are a true gem!

      Oh I am so excited about your book recommendation in your post! Thanks again for sharing … I can't wait to finish my work and run out to the bookstore today! xox

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  6. Wonderful words and advice, Tamera. All very true. When I get criticism, I try to stop myself and see if there is any truth to it before I discount them. Recently someone wrote they believe my hair is too long and aging me. So, I went to several good friends who I trust will tell me the truth and asked what they thought. That way I knew how much stock to take in the comment. I have to constantly remind myself not to compare when I visit your blog because you are so fabulous! Happy to have you featured on my site today!

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    1. Pam you are quite right about criticism. But I do differentiate between honest critiquing being offered in the intent of helpfulness and mean spirited offering of unsolicited opinions. It is the latter I let quickly roll away.

      Thank you again for the most lovely feature of my Crown Yourself mission on your blog today! I am so proud to be a part of your I Matter series! xox

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  7. Tamera, I have always wanted to start a blog. But the comparing, perfectionism, and judging that I fear is what is holding me back. You have inspired me to do for me. And own what I want and how I want to share. Grace is the word I think of when I read your words. I am so happy I found your blog.

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    1. Oh Charlotte I am so happy to hear you want to start a blog! I am almost a blog evangelist … as I think everyone can benefit from having a blog … because everyone has a unique story to tell! So you go girl! I have a series on my side bar … all about 'Writing the Blog You Want to Read … It Can Help You Find the Life You Want to Lead. I am living proof that it can work! Best of luck my dear! Let me know when your blog is live, I would love to see it! xox

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  8. well said! Have a beautiful blessed day!

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    1. Why thank you Loreen! And the same to you my dear! xox

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  9. Beautifully said my dear!!!! In our society of "give me NOW", it's so hard to not compare to others. To find contentment. I don't watch my stats, "likes", or # of followers. I have turned down freebie to keep my blog "me", instead of "selling out", because I know I will be happier and I hope my few readers will continue to enjoy my drivel. I always try to respond to emails and comments. (Hard on Instagram though!!)

    And love spreading some Instagram love!!!! Have a beautiful day my dear!!

    <3 Jules

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    1. Jules that you for your words my dear! Your blog, Kate Spade girl is a delight! i was shocked to read you are a mother of four! Big kudos to you my dear! You are marvelous! xox

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  10. Everything you say is so true. I wish I could express myself as well as you do! I care very little about my stats because they have no reflection what so ever of who I am. It does make me feel good if someone leaves a kind comment, but I don't feel bad if there are no comments at all. C'est la vie!!! Peace! Cheryl

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    1. Cheryl you have a most heathy viewpoint on blogging my dear! You are a true beauty, inside and out! xox

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  11. Dear Tamera, I appreciate your beautiful words and thoughts about emotional health and social media. I find it timely as I attempt to keep up with my blog and now Instagram. I have met so many wonderful people across the globe, including you. I could be entranced 24/7 with all that unfolds before my eyes. However, I want my life to be full and rich in my face to face relationships, and time management is an issue at times. Do you have any tips in this area?

    I concur with all that you have to say about kindness, comparisons, authenticity, stats and taking things personally. Thank you for the reminders. As always, your photos are breathtaking and I always look forward to visiting your world here in blogland. You have been an inspiration for years!

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    1. Judith, first thank you for your encouraging words my dear! You have been a true inspiration to me, since I found you for years ago. It was the light and grace you showed during your life transition after the death of your beloved … and the courage you modeled … that lit the path of my own life transitions and heartbreak.

      As far as having ideas on time management, if I offered any at this time … I would be a fraud … for I am realizing more and more this is becoming an issue for me as I try to do a blog of substance and beauty, design and run a fashion accessories company and still have living a full and beautiful life with my family a top priority. boy just typing this out makes me realize, my decision to hire more people will have to be implemented sooner than later :)) And that is precisely why I find myself checking out more and more … and being taken away with my fascinating rabbit hole of instagram where there is ever so much beauty to be seen and fascinating people to meet!

      My dear, thank you for your question … it has shined a light on areas I very mush need to improve! Sending yu much love dearest Judith! xox

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  12. What a wonderful, wise, compassionate post! Life has a funny way of bringing what you need into your life when you need it and I am so happy to have found you. I can't tell you how much I needed to read this today and how I am suffused with comfort after reading it. You are gorgeous in the photos and I feel privileged to share in your beautiful life.

    Accidental icon
    http://www.accidentalicon.com

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    1. Oh my dear … thank you for your rich gift of words. I hold you in such high esteem for not only your iconic style, your highly skilled crafting with words … but your love of family as well. Thank you ever so much for your visit … and your gift in the form of sentiment. You made my day. xox

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  13. I am currently spending 15 months caring for 3 grandsons under 5. When my son and his family moved to DC, I agreed to live with them during the week, going home to my husband on the weekends, until the twins start kindergarten. It is a once in a lifetime experience in many ways,but isolating and mind numbing in others. Social media - reading blogs, etched., gives me some connections. And reading this post today helps me remember this is a chapter in my journey and not to compare myself to others. I get much inspiration from your blog, Tamera, as well as many others. I think today we will spend some time making crowns for my three wild things and plan something wonderful to wear out with my wonderful husband this weekend who lovingly agreed to this sacrifice so we could help our children adjust to their new life. Stormy Smith

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    1. Stormy thank you for your heartfelt sharing! What a tremendous gift you are giving your family! Oh I do hope you mad crowns with your littles … and have a most wonderful adventure with your husband! Making the very best of situations … si something I have tried to do always in lifer … and especially with my children … and that is how I know just how generous of spirit and love you are my dear!

      Thank you for visiting and sharing your story of generous love! I hope hope you made a special grand crown for yourself! xox

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  14. Lovely post. Thank you just what I needed today.

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    1. Why thank you dear Josephine! I also want to add that I have admired your chic style for years now! xox

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  15. Tamera this feature is such good timing for so many I believe.
    Your thoughts on staying healthy in a 24/7 world of postings and comments is so important.
    Seeing you on the beach, taking your walks, your date nights with Jeff help me to realize and reinforces that life is out there in the real world!
    Thank you for all you give my friend!

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena
    Featuring:Turquerie

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    1. Dear Karena thank you for your words! They are very appreciated! I am realizing though, especially after the Style Crone's question above, about time management … that I left off an important tenant of the healthy use of social media … obviously left off … because I realize how I in no way have that one mastered or even properly addressed!! I too need to better balance my time usage! Thank you for your visit my dear! xox

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  16. This is a thoughtful, well-written and timely post Tamera! I find managing my blog, FB page and Instagram to be a challenge and I have had to learn all of the things you discuss here, otherwise I would not have been able to keep my blog going for the past 5 years. Social Media has been wonderful for me in the connections I have forged through it with like-minded women, but it can also steal your soul if you let it!

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    1. Oh my dear, I agree with you on all accounts!! I too, feel I have learned the ones I have listed … and only by doing so … realize that without mastering the time management aspect … I still have not reached an optimal emotional health management system with social media! I can see where I need some new personal rules … to protect from any soul stealing!

      Congratulations once again for being on Buzzfeed's list of most stylish senior instagram to follow! A week deserved honor my dear! xox

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  17. Love this.

    Those photos were the 1st I ever saw of you, you look wonderful.

    Excellent insights x

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    1. Thank you so much dearest Faux! I was just thinking about that same fact when I was editing them foe this post! It was one of these pics that we connected over our love of sequins … back when you were finding good homes for our beloved sequins!

      Your visits are always such a joy for me! xox

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  18. Tamera, my friend,
    This is a wonderfully thoughtful and timely post. I know how hard you've fought to find your footing and your voice and I say, "Brava!" You have beautifully articulated the difficulty of navigating the minefield of social media. I love that you are celebrating the awesome and leaving the negative. So very proud of you. xo

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    1. Awww Marta thank you ever so much for this beautiful gift of words. That truly touch my soul. Yes, you do know my personal ambitions and struggles … to find both footing and voice … (I love the beautiful words you chose to describe my journey).

      And big thanks again to you … to being one of the inspiring women … from whom I first learned of this wonderful world of blogging … back when I didn't even know how to turn on a computer. What a bountiful world of beauty you introduced me to, through watching you and your heart warming blog. Meeting so many like souled women in the world … has been such a tremendous gift. thank you ever so much my dear! I send you love. xox

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  19. DearTamera, Right on! I awoke from some very serious surgery and said to myself, "What is all this frantic social media about?" I have come around to your point of view. If it's fun and can help someone do it. If not conserve your resources for what is really important, like one's health family and friends. So nice to have found you. I know we'll get together soon. Just broke my wrist and other bones and need to heal. But can't wait to meet you in person.

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    1. Sandra I am so sorry to hear that you broke bones … especially after recovering from serious surgery!

      Yes, I am perfect agreement with you as far as using one of our greatest resources … time. thank you for the reminder … I still need to organize mine a bit more!

      I am in awe of your blog my dear! congratulations on being named on of the top 100 blogging voices of 2013 by Blogher! That is a huge honor! I look forward to meeting you in person! Sending heeling thoughts your way! xox

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  20. Such wise words Tamera ,it can be so easy both online and in real life to compare ourselves with others.I think it is another of those life lessons ,the more we value and own our stories the less we compare.The blogging world has for me been a joy,enabling me to connect with like minded souls from across the globe.I am enjoying Instagram for the same reason.Thank you beautiful Tamera.

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    1. Yes Jill, that is it … "the more we value our own stories the less we compare". you said it perfectly! Connecting with like minded souls from around the world … like yourself … is one of the great joy I get from social media! Sending love your way! xox

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  21. Tamera, your words are always so spot on. I, too, rarely look at stats and numbers. Lately, now that I will be finished with homeschooling, people have been asking me why don't I push my blog...seek employment with the blog...monetize the blog. Something that I was enjoying as my hobby seems to be confusing to others. Would I like to do all of those things? Yes, I would, I must admit but it surprises me how quickly equate my worth with some sort of monetary measuring stick. As I move away from my main role as mother and teacher...I can see I am going to be getting these questions more and more...

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  22. All I can say is you are one very special lady...I love this post, Tamera very wise words and beautifully written.
    Have a wonderful weekend xx

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  23. Beautiful and meaningful post Tamera. It is so easy to compare and 'block' ourselves from revealing and being who we truly are As for time-management, I've visited your blog from time to time and been in awe as I've thought to myself 'how does Tamera juggle it all and make it all seem so effortless', as visiting your blog always makes me feel calm and is a wonderful place of refuge for my soul - with your words and images.

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  24. Tamera this posts truly speaks to me. There is so much wisdom here and when I read 'you are not your stats' I was literally nodding. It's interesting to hear your reaction to the blogger conferences, I haven't gone to one yet because I sense a similar reaction.
    Although I think I'm finally getting to a solid place with my blogging perspective and it feels better. You've been someone who continues to give me courage to put myself out there with my content. Thank you for your vulnerability and your realness...
    xo
    Leslie

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  25. to go public - and that's it what bloggers do - is very brave and confident. Honestly it is not my kind but I like reading the blogs and sometimes to comment. I appreciate your honesty and your openness but sometimes I think it would be better to be a bit more retiring to protect your privacy.

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  26. this was a great read. You're right about how social media can have a downside. It's so easy to think you're own life isn't as good as somebody elses or if you're struggling it can be upsetting to see 'how wonderful' other people's lives are. I believe the only person we can compare ourselves to is our former selves. I haven't experienced anything negative on social media yet but i can see how it goes on. Great post. Love the photos and the scenery.
    Lorna Mai Blog

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  27. Thank you so much for this. This is sage advice; as I am currently working on starting a blog soon.

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  28. Tamera...this is such good advice. You are truly an inspiration...your words and images inspire me to do better on my blog and find balance in my life! We tend to get really wrapped up in the perfection we see on "other blogs" and we forget the real reasons we started writing and posting in the first place.....as long as I am becoming better each month and each year, there is really no reason to compare.

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