A Christmas Letter To Myself


It's December 8th today.
Deep into our Christmas season.
I can't believe it's been over a week since I've been here
time seems to be speeding by this year.


And it all looks so different this year
maybe I haven't even been here all the way.

Life is changing so much
and 
never is it more evident than
under the glare of Christmas memories
where old traditions 
are  now done new ways.

After over two decades of Christmas's 
done deeply 
in child rearing years
I guess I was too busy
to ever think forward
to a time
where 
it was back to Jeff and I.


This first week of the Christmas season
flew by already
in prepping for the engagement party
which was wonderful ...


A true celebration of two lives
coming together
into the beginnings
of a new family.


With all of the promise 
of new love 
and 
new traditions.


There seems to be a continual
letting go
in parenting.

A stepping back
and 
watching
with a silent bated breath
of the wonders
of 
children
coming into their own.
Felling  the miracle
of the brand new 
in the same marveling wonder
as the first day they were born.

The awe 
and
the wonder
how new people
can come from us.


I am ever so grateful
to have the time
to process
such wonder.

To fully embrace the moment
commit it to memory
as another of
life's passages.


I am grateful
I have grown a flexible heart.

A heart 
that can welcome children back in fully
for the moments they are here
knowing
that I will have to once again let them go
back to their own lives once again.


Maybe that's  part of the beauty of the story.

Because even though
some days I miss terribly

back when they were little and mine
I am fully aware
just like travel is always more glamorous
when it's a comfortable memory at home
some times 
so are  wistful memories of Christmas past.


Yes
there were idealic moments
that have been committed to memory …

but
there was also a tremendous
amount of work and pressure
to do it all right by them.

A pressure that has  been removed
as they all have their own lives now.


This year
I want to fully acknowledge
Christmas season 
is different this year.

To luxuriate
in memories of intimate family moments
but 
to also 
take a deep breath
and realize
to everything there is a season.


Realizing
 it is up to me to celebrate
each and everyone 
to the very best of my ability.

I will embrace this new season of life
and 
holidays
by making new traditions
and
 observing 
some old ones as well.

I am grateful
I invested 100 percent
in the days mine were little
now 
I will once again
invest fully in this new season of life
and 
traditions.

My heart of full 
of love for  the past
and
excitement for the new.


As always my friends


I wish you love and joy 
as you style your life
and
celebrate your seasons.

( My next post will be sharing the wonderful engagement party!)




14 comments:

  1. I really like the sentiment you have expressed here and you are so right about parenting! It is utterly bittersweet I can hardly bear it sometimes. But I do think the key is to acknowledge that everything is a phase and to try and embrace each one. Lou x

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    Replies
    1. Lou thank you for stopping by … and leaving your lovely words. you are so right about the bittersweet … I have had to learn more courage parenting … than I ever imagined I would.

      I am so enamored with your blog … and can't wait to spend much more time there. I am always instantly attracted to others … who "think deeply".

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  2. Beautifully said, Tamera! I am also learning to embrace the changes and go with it. This is the very first year ever that I do not have Christmas decorations up...though my house is full with children making a pit stop for a little while, there are many reasons why the decor most likely will not happen. It has made the season seem very strange and distant. But, for now, I will embrace all going on around me...and next year, hopefully, the holly and the ivy will return. Please send me an email and let me know the dates you are going to be in San Antonio...I want to make sure it is on my calendar!

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    Replies
    1. I am sorry to hear of no decor. I can only imagine the reasons for this situation. I am sending hugs of comfort and joy.

      I will get on finding out the exact dates of our trip. Meeting you while I am in San Antonio … is on the very top of my list! i can't wait … and realize that time will be here before we know it!

      I send you much love.

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  3. What a beautifully expressed post, I really enjoyed reading it, I saw your comment over at Lou's blog and that led me to you! My children are still quite young but my eldest is now a teenager which has meant plenty of changes for us as a family, not all of them good...it's a challenge & a change & I often long for the days they were very little whilst at the same time looking forward & continuing to teach them to be people capable to going out into the world. Lots of emotions for sure.

    I wish you a very Merry Christmas X

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  4. As always, a heartfelt expression of love, life and family, dear Tamera. As I wrote that sentence my phone beeped with the notice that YOU had just commented on my blog. We are so in sync today-I love that! I just stopped by to wish you a most wonderful season. I'm looking forward to hearing all about the engagement party for Ellis. What an exciting time. The IG photos were lovely. I remember celebrating with you last New Year's Eve at Dorie's fabulous party-such fun! Hugs to you today my friend!
    xx, Heather

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  5. You have definitely captured some of the feelings I have as my children go warp speed into adulthood. I really like how you remind us that there are good and less-good sides to everything -- there really was a lot of pressure to do Christmas "right" when they were children, and now we can exhale a little bit. Thanks for sharing :)

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  6. What lovely sentiments of looking back and forward...I am wishing you lots of Christmas cheer :)

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  7. Tamera I saw the title of your post when I was in the car running around today on errands and I knew I wanted to sit down and have time to enjoy your beautiful writing. I'm so glad I waited. Wow doesn't it seem like so much has been happening since we met that day? I can't believe Ellis's engagement party has already happened--what an exciting, sentimental time for Mama. And yes, more letting go too. Your comment about growing a 'flexible heart' was such a beautiful one, although truthfully I still think I'm in the process. Even as the boys have gotten older I feel like there have been times when I've been secretly kicking and screaming my way down that path toward flexibility. Sigh...change can be so hard (at least for this mama)
    hugs to you
    xo
    Leslie

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  8. The holiday season so often brings to the fore our acceptance of the changes that are a constant of family life. Always a time for reflection as we remember with affection or sometimes through rose coloured glasses on times past. A new tradition brings with it new joys and I am sure you will fully embrace yours.

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  9. Dear Tamera, I love how life ebbs and flows in the times of our lives. You have managed to embrace this so beautifully and with style and panache! BY the way, where id you find those gorgeous votive holders (rock crystal?)

    All the best for a wonderful Holiday Season,
    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena




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