Self Care During Difficult Times … My Top Tips


As a highly sensitive empath
 when I get  really sad
I tend to feel devastated.
But theses days
one of the many gifts of aging 
is that I now know better how to 
care for myself during these times
which also means I can bounce back quicker.

Here are my top tips for
 self care during difficult times.


Give Yourself Grace - During difficult times I put parenthesis on my life.  That is to say, I don't expect myself to perform on my usual level and I definitely don't make any of life's big decisions.  I know that self kindness is paramount.  So is a gentle  internal voice that is soothing and nurturing.  I have realized that during difficult times. if I use the same love and guidance, that I   would offer my own children, during challenging times … I too, become calmer and feel safer … and realize … I won't always feel like this.



Don't Overindulge - I must admit this one took me some time to realize.  Often, when we have a searing hole in our heart … it's easy to believe that the pain can be eased by something form outside of ourselves … whether it be food or drink … or buying something extravagant  to ease the pain.  Trust me … other than a momentary ease … none of it works!  In fact true overindulgence makes things so much worse … because then self recrimination and self loathing are kicked into what was originally just sadness and grief. 


Buy Yourself Flowers - Even if money is tight and you can only afford one flower … buy one.  Flowers will remind you … that you are worth investing in.  They will remind you there is still beauty in the world. And most of all, they will remind you … that just like flowers don't last forever … neither will this pain.


Get Organized - For me, getting my house in order (literally) … translates to a feeling  of getting my life in order … of feeling like I still have control of aspects of my life.  I have only recently realized, every time one of my children left the nest … I had spent much time  before hand purging belongings, cutting back my gardens … in preparation for life's newest transitions. Even a small step like cleaning out a drawer … can feel empowering … between the purging and the created order … in what otherwise feels chaotic.


Go Outside - Nature has great healing properties and offers an opportunity to connect with a higher power. . I have a favorite beach that I walk … where I feel truly connected  and realize there is more to life than what I can see at the moment. Sometimes it just  it feels good to know that I can still put one foot in front of the other … in the midst of natural beauty.


Wear Red Lipstick - or whatever your version of this is.  It can be  remarkable sometimes … if we dress our selves better … even during hard times … there comes with this a feeling of control … that we can still have effect upon our life and surroundings. 


Meet Up With Friends - I don't think we are meant to do life on our own … but  this one took me time to realize it's importance.  I have been the sort in the past to almost go underground in avoiding friends when I am feeling broken.  But I now realize how unhealthy that is … especially during hard times.  For me choosing not to see friends …only amplified the sadness by loneliness.  Life is hard on us all at times … it takes true friends to navigate the  troubled waters with,


Make A Gratitude List - I have an obsessive mind by nature … so when I am feeling devastated it is imperative for me to make gratitude lists … so as not to over connect with the present painful situation.  I try to normally make a weekly list, but when I am hurting … I make daily lists  …and boy does it ever help!  It takes my mind out of the darkness … it calms me, as I realize …'peaks and valleys my dear' … and 'it won't always be like this'.  It reminds me once again … there is so much beauty in the world.


Do Good For Others - I have saved my best tip for last!  This one has never ever failed to ease the pain … and make me feel better … even in my darkest days.  It is almost a dark spell breaker.  Just the sheer thought process of … even though I know I  am in pain …  'What can I do today … to help someone else '… is a reminder … we are all connected … and sometimes it is with a broken heart … we can hear the needs of others more clearly.

Doing good for others doesn't even have to be a big gesture … it can be as simple as smiling at someone, going out of your way to offer a sincere loving compliment.  Leaving a kind comment on any of the many social media platforms.  Letting friends know you care. Sending out a card in the mail Leaving flowers on the doorstep of someone you know can use some cheer in their life.

 We are all connected  in this life… and kindness not only for others, but ourselves as well ... really does matter … in good times … and especially in bad.


As always my friends


I wish you love and joy
as you style your life







29 comments:

  1. ...need this at this moment, thanks Tamera.

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  2. My dear Sue … you are most welcome my dear. I hope it helps :))

    xoxo
    Tamera

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  3. What a wonderful post. I need to save this and refer back to it as often as needed!

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  4. Yes, this is the best post to date! Your talent with the written word is amazing. I so enjoyed being reminded of these tips, especially the "buying flowers" and it truly does make a difference, even if it is just one beautiful rose. I'm now going to go put on some red lipstick and think of how I can help someone in need today (perhaps with the magic of a flower). Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post.

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    Replies
    1. Dearest Trina … you are ever so welcome my dear! Please know I will never forget when you reached out to me … on a day I needed it so! It is with friends like you … that turn traveling rough waters … into calm seas.

      Much Love to you.

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  5. First I just have to say that you are beautiful. Which then made me think of something I would add to your list because it is something that I do...dress pretty. Your post includes everything that I practice except for the red lipstick because I wear sparkly pink instead. Sending you my compassion...we are together in this for I am in the same season of life as you. And if we lived closer I would be calling you up to ask if you would like to join me for a wLk on the beach. xxo

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  6. As a fellow empath, I am very grateful both to have read this post and for your courage/honesty in having written it. What is amazing about the internet is that once you hit publish, it stays out there! May this help others too...
    Namaste,
    Heather

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  7. I'm going through a difficult time right now. Glad for this post. So much good advice. You are beautiful, inside and out. xoxo

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  8. To all feeling the need for such (good!) advice, if following this advice doesn't help as much as you'd like, or for long enough, do consider seeing a competent psychiatrist. So much depression goes untreated, blighting lives. Truly it is possible to feel better. Not just surviving better, or better but still hypersensitive, but the kind of better in which you feel normal, happy, and you don't have to think about self care because you feel fine, and difficult times are difficult but not overwhelming.

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  9. Dear Tamera, this post came at the absolute best time! I start outpatient rehab tomorrow. Today I visited my Mother and Father and came home and went for a walk...it felt so good, the weather is gorgeous right now. One of my Mother's sayings is that we all feel better with lipstick on and how true! Thank you for being my friend during this time, it means more than you know! You look great, I adore your wrap!

    xoxo
    Karen
    The Arts by Karena

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  10. Beautifully written, Tamera, with age wisdom comes and life does not always follow the smoothest path so your wise and thoughtful wisdom is to be admired, thank you so much for sharing. I always feel that the days when you least want to make an effort are always the ones that turn around when you do, dress up, put on that red lipstick and if you can go out of the house, the world somehow feels a little brighter, even if only for a short time. Take care, you are in my thoughts. x

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  11. I have been so fortunate to click open your blog on the day I need "a bit of Tamera." And there are your pretty photos, your always honest words, your uplifting spirit shinning through. Thank you. Love your blog, love your words, love your spirit! xoxox Barb

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  12. I love this post. I am going to try to action these things- so many sensible ideas xxx

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  13. Lovely, my friend! It's so much easier to give other's grace that it is to give it to myself.

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  14. All so true and helpful my friend. My gratitude list saves many a hard day and helping others is the best!! Great tips for us all. xoxo

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  15. Wishing I could hop across the street and leave some flowers at your door today! Thank you for doing so, so many times for me! <3

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  16. I'm with you every step of the way on this post. We can't avoid down days but we can be kind to ourselves and others as we bounce back. Thanks for making this a better day.

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  17. fabulous advices and fabulous attitude, thanks for sharing your wisdom, dear lady!!
    I'm a huge fan of long walks outside and lots of red lipstick and favorite clothes to make sadness littler everyday!
    besos

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  18. what else I can say when I read your postings....a warmhearted, gorgeous, candid, funny, woman. You are what I would call my dearest friend

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  19. You're like an oracle - always giving me what I need for inspiration. Thank you, Tamera. And oh yes, always red lipstick. :-)

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  20. It's funny, isn't it that we can be so kind to others during difficult times but forget about ourselves?
    Thank you for this beautiful post.
    This little phrase really resonated with me
    "...so as not to over connect with the present painful situation."
    I never thought of it like that before.

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  21. This post is amazing & makes sense of my coping strategys since my husbands incurable cancer diagnosis a few months back @ only 46. I have simplified our lives & home leaving only the much loved items. I've created order to facilitate the calm clean environment we need by purging all unnecessary items. Donating items to charity has brought additional joy. I laughed at your mention of cutting back the garden as I've hard pruned all my trees

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  22. Tamera, it doesn't get any better than this. From one 'highly sensitive empath' to another, you just created a classic list. I love this and I've used each one of these tips at different times. Thank you for sharing your grace and wisdom today. It was a beautiful read.

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  23. Great tips Tamera. Love them. I'm thinking of you with Ellis moving out and away. I cannot imagine what a big change that is. Take care. Exciting about her engagement...So cute Elliot and Ellis! x Kim

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  24. Oh ! you are so cute, amazing and so on.... beautiful look.Great photos. Best

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  25. This is all really good advice that works. Enjoyed reading it along with your pretty images. Have a great weekend. :)

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  26. Dear Tamera, I can not begin to tell you how many wonderful pearls there are in this beautiful, beautiful post....you are a treasure, and we loved dining and cooking with you this weekend~ xxooA

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  27. When I hear someone is a fellow empath and has advice- I pay attention! This was a wonderful list and a wonderful reminder to take care of myself while getting through these tough caregiving days. For me, the house is the first thing to go, so re-establishing some order will be my first gift to myself. Thank you for wise words!

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