30 Days Alcohol free

 


Yesterday I completed my 

30 days Alcohol Free.


Which is monumental to me

because

I never thought I could

or 

even imagined I would want to try.




After Christmas Eve celebrations

I woke up in the middle of the night

feeling the whole weight of

the losses of the year.

Literally feeling lower than I ever had

and

 that's saying something with my history of depression.

I was beyond exhausted

and 

wondered if 

I could keep going

or

 really if I even wanted to.

It was a feeling so dark and bleak

that slipping away seemed like a real choice.

It was a low and a pain

that is seared into my heart.

I realized 

there wasn't enough alcohol in the world

to numb my aching heart

and boy

had I given it my best shot.

I also began to wonder if 

my best friend Chardonnay

wasn't really the friend 

I thought she was.

Was it time to break up?


Desperate times call for 

desperate measures.




I would have never come up with 

such 

for me

a drastic choice

if it hadn't been for my friend

Adrienne Shubin.

I had her seen a post of hers a few weeks before

where she had announced that she had been 

Alcohol Free for almost a year

and 

had lost over 70 pounds.

When  I first read about her choice to be

Alcohol Free

it sounded way to hard for me.

Now the weight loss I was all up for.


I have always had a predisposition

to drinking wine

many times in excess.

But I realize the last 3 years

with every hard thing that happened

(and there were So many)

I gave myself permission to drink

a lot.

Every night.

Just to check out

and 

numb the pain.

The losses seem to just keep coming

and 

I just kept drinking

a lot.


Until that Friday Christmas Eve

when I woke up

so low

realizing 

there just wasn't enough 

alcohol in the world

 to numb my pain.



It took me until 

Monday December 28th

to have a plan of action in place.

Adrienne Shubin

who has been exceeding generous and encouraging

(when the student is ready, the teacher will appear)

 had recommended two books to me

that I had bought some weeks before.

This  Naked Mind

and

The Alcohol Experiment 30 Day Challenge

both by Anne Grace.

I would highly recommend both 

if your'e interested.


30 days sounded like a lifetime to me.

What was I even thinking

setting myself up for 

what felt like 

would most like be another thing 

I didn't accomplish.


It I didn't have wine

who was I even?

My self identity seemed intertwined 

with 

'having wine'

It was my reward system.

It was my pleasure center.

It was my social life.

It was my bliss.

It was one of the few joys I could count on

in such a dark year.

It was the only way I knew how

to have fun.

~ I even appreciated the dullness the next day

it felt like a protective blanket 

from the realities that had become my life.


It was also what had me

~ waking up at 3 am every morning

in a complete panic.

~ It was how I began every morning

trying to count how many glasses 

I had the night before

and 

judging myself accordingly.

~ It filled me with daily self loathing

and 

slowed my hikes and workouts.

~ It made me feel like a prisoner in my own life.

I didn't even dare to want to break out.

It felt impossible.



But I have.

For 30 whole days.

I don't know my future relationship with alcohol

to be completely transparent.

but I do know 

I don't want to return to 

what I had.


The biggest gift has been

being able to sleep blissfully

through the night.

Even without any over the counter sleep aid

that I have been using for a least a decade.

I have been chasing solid sleep for decades.


I have also lost weight

by not drinking and making several other changes.




But I still miss drinking wine

to be perfectly honest.


I know I need to find new ways to

have fun.

To be able access joy.



So the journey will continue.


But today

I wanted to take the time

to say 

I did it.


I set what to me felt like 

an impossible goal

and 

I actually accomplished it.


I think I will definitely

Crown Myself

 today.




As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life









28 comments:

  1. You look fabulous! Congratulations on your accomplishment!
    xoxo
    Lark

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  2. I have not had a glass of wine in TWO YEARS!Or anything else alcoholic for that matter.........Yes YOU will lose weight and if you continue on this path you will lose the TASTE for it!Or at least I did......the secret is to have YOUR NON-ALHCOLIC drink in STEMWARE!The ITALIAN makes me a little POMOGRANITE juice on the rocks with a splash of GingerAle or 7-UP.SLICE OF LEMON ALWAYS AND STIR!
    FYI over two glasses of wine a day is considered an ALCOhIC!!!
    Found this out when I had heart surgery!!!XX

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    Replies
    1. Wow! good for you my friend!! I had no idea you had heart surgery!! XOX

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  3. Oh yes, I feel your pain sweet Tamera. I went on a 90 day alcohol-free regiment because I wanted to lose 10 pounds AND I had been drinking just a little bit every night for over a year!!! I needed to clean out my system, as well.
    I did lose the 10 pounds I had gained and have maintained my new weight of 123-125 pounds for over 2 months. I started drinking again, but this time I measure the exact amount and document it on my food journal to make sure I don't indulge too much. I know when I drink I lose self control and start eating. Now after my last early dinner meal, I immediately do my nightly routine i.e. brush and floss my teeth,facial duties, applying hormones, etc. These time consuming routines help me to avoid raiding the kitchen.
    Good luck with your plan, I wish you success, I know you can do it!

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    Replies
    1. So well done darling!! Sending big, big kudos your way!! I do think there is so much to be said for new rituals and joys! Thank you so much for sharing yours dearest Catherine! XOX

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  4. Oh dear, I read further and read that you were a success! Congratulations!

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  5. Congratulations to you. That's a big deal. How in the world are you able to accomplish all of your creative stuff with your self medication. I'm so happy that you're finding happiness. You always look stunning and your photos are fabulous. Now the inside and the outside will match. Happy New You!!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you dear! I have always been very motivated creatively ... but cutting out alcohol ... makes it so much better! XOX

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  6. Congratulations!!! I'm on Day 9, also inspired by Adrienne. With a few hard years as well, and lockdown, having a drink became a nightly ritual with my husband, to help us "unwind", close out the day, all of the things associated with cocktail hour. I was on Noom, but not really losing weight either, which was frustrating. So...we both have replaced our cocktail, with a mocktail, I have Fevertree low cal tonic and lime, same routine, vegetables and hummus and both of us are feeling great, less foggy in the morning, etc. Can't say my sleep has changed but at least if I have a bad night, I'm OK the next day. It really has helped relieve feelings of depression and anxiety as well. xo

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    Replies
    1. Wow!! Well done darling!! what a wonderful new and mindful ritual! Thank you for sharing! It's a beautiful and healthy way to close out a day! XOX

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  7. I appreciate so much you sharing the trials that you go through and the coping methods you use. You are reaching out and helping more people than just yourself.

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  8. Congratulations Tamera! You are such an inspiration to be honest with oneself and have the courage to make a positive change. Thank you for sharing your journey and encouraging others with your honesty and grace. You look resplendent in your glamorous and dramatic outfit!

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    Replies
    1. Ginger thank you ever so much for your kind and encouraging gift of words my dear! XOX

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  9. This is such good news for you! I too read Adrienne's post and quit drinking on January 1. I can relate to so much of what you say in this post. And I too miss the ritual of drinking wine. But not the physical effects of it. So my goal is to stay off except for on occasion. I have replaced it with La Croix in a beautiful glass. It's working so far. Good luck Tamera. I have followed you for years. I started way back when Adrienne started her blog and I found you through her. I surely miss the old days of blogging. It has changed so much. But I know we can never go backwards, only forward!

    Peace!
    Cheryl
    southwesterndesertliving.com

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    Replies
    1. Cheryl big Congratulations to you! Isn't Adrienne's story so inspirational and motivating! And thank you for following all these years!! XOX

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  10. Thanks Tamera for being so open about this. Currently over the last few weeks I have done a 10x day detox which became disrupted due to a shocking thing and obviously only a glass of wine could console! Post my 29th Birthday in mid-Feb, I shall be embarking on a new strategy. The outcome, I am unsure but I do know how much better I sleep and how much more my body feels relaxed and I feel relaxed too. All positives which can't be disputed. So we shall see ...

    Kindest + Happy Healthy wishes,
    India

    w: http://www.glitteringfritterings.com/

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    Replies
    1. It was ever so lovely to see you sweet comment here darling! I also so enjoy hearing from you! Your latest snowy blog posts are utterly transporting ... especially since I live in Southern California!

      Sending you early Happy Birthday wishes! My darling daughter, just turned 20 this month!

      Best of luck with your detox, when it's a right time for you! Sending you big hugs my dear! XOXO

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  11. Well done! You've got this.
    Google: Wim Hof Method for extra healing fast.
    It's a simple and easy breathing technique that changes lives.
    Guided technique videos are free on YouTube. Nothing to buy....

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  12. Congratulations on what must have taken great courage, Tamera. You look wonderful, and I wish you every happiness in 2021. xxxx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you ever so much Patricia for your well wishes! Hope you and your are well in Brisbane! XOXO

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  13. Tamera, Congratulations on your big achievement. The first 30 days are the trickiest and you did it!
    For me, giving up alcohol has been the best thing I have ever done for myself....like radical self care. It is such a life changer! Hugs to you and thank you for sharing your inspiring story. XO, Adrienne

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    1. Adrienne thank you ever so much my dear! And thank you ever so much for your continued inspiration and encouragement! It has meant the world to me! XOXO

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  14. Tamera well done!!! I've been alcohol free for 13 years.....but didn't experience the weight loss🥺
    But love the clarity
    Just love your approach and style💞

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Bridget for your kind words! Kudos to you for being alcohol free 13 years!

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