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Self Care During the Holidays

As the holidays  are now in full swing
I wanted to take a break today from
Holiday Wear
Decorated Spaces.

I wanted to write about the importance of
Self Care During the Holidays.

As joyous and beautiful as the holidays can be
for many of us
they can also be filled with
Emotional Mind Fields.

As with  any other time in the year
taking good care of ourselves
insures we will have more to give to those we love.

Self Care
during the holidays is  an especially important
component to loving holidays.

By this time in my life
I have lived through all types of Christmases 
from much anticipated magical Christmas's growing up
to an extremely painful Christmas with the death of my sister two weeks before.
Christmases after that have always been a blend of emotions.

We have also had so very many Christmas's 
full of magic and wonder as our three children grew up!

We have recently had three past Christmases
missing one of our children during his years of chosen estrangement.
During those years I learned to truly focus 
on the beauty of people who chose to be there.
I realized one can still find beauty in the world 
even with a hole in your heart.

I only write this
to acknowledge
sometimes Christmas comes with a full serving of real life along the way.

But when we take care of ourselves
to the best of our ability
we will always have more grace
not only for others
but just as importantly ourselves.

This year with our son back for the holidays
our family trying to rebalance into new ways
I realize as much as ever the importance of 
Self Care During the Holidays.

 I will be practicing self care
to be  able to most effectively love on my family and friends.

After a successful Thanksgiving family weekend
I wanted to share some of the things that worked for me
remind myself
to take good care once again.

Let Go Of Expectations Of Perfect

This one I have definitely been working on for years.
Now I know to do my best
then let it go.

As much as I like things to look good
I now know to focus on the moments.

For me these days
it is also important to let go of expectations of others.
We all come to the holidays
stepping out of where we are in our souls this year.
None of us are perfect.
 all of us are doing the best we can at the time
with what we have  and know
at this time.

Bringing Grace to the holidays
 goes far for everyone
ourselves included.

Let Go Of Comparison
it is always the thief of joy

Right off you might think I mean 
comparing your holidays to other peoples
which is destructive enough for obvious reasons.

But there is another Holiday comparison
that can be equally joy stealing.
Comparing this holiday right now
to ones gone by.

I have found as hard as it is sometimes
in life 
especially during the holidays
it is so important  to focus on the good that is here right now.
Not to hold  this year up for comparison and judgements
of years gone by.

We only truly have today
right now
this year.

Respect Yourself

I think self respect is always important
but like many of these ideas
even more so during the holidays.

We need to respect how much we can give.
Whether it be time or money.

Over giving leads to resentment.
Know your boundaries.

That line that crosses from joyful loving giving
into the abysm of resentful duty.

I know during the long Thanksgiving weekend
I remembered that I  personally needed
 alone downtime to rest and recharge.
Respecting that about my personal self
meant I could come back down
refreshed with more to give
really enjoy the company of my family.

Trying to do too much
is an easy way to loose Holiday joy.

Make A List Of Holiday Objectives

I realized recently to figure out what it is I wanted the outcome of the
family weekend to be.

For me I want my children, parents and brother to return 
to a place they feel

For me I demonstrate this by having
guest rooms for my children 
that are cozy and well appointed.
For me
I show love by beautifying spaces.
Whether it be a beautiful room, space or table.

These objectives
might seem obvious enough
but for me to have the conversation with myself
meant I could keep my focus on what was important.
not to go off the rails getting annoyed with the less important aspects.

I also keep tight present buying lists.
It's all too easy to be out shopping
be swept away in the moment
thinking that perfect gift can buy someone happiness.
It doesn't.

Remember self respect of time and money.

Take Care Of Yourself Inside and Out

I know it's a busy time of year
but taking the time to make good nutrition
a priority
means you will have more energy for the holidays.

I'm not saying to get crazy about what you eat
just remember to get some good stuff in!

I am pretty happy with myself 
when I do this daily.
It's not fun
but after taking the time for this one
I am a lot more conscious the whole day of what I'm putting in my body.

Holiday Wardrobe

I'm not talking about fancy fashion here.
I'm talking about taking the time before the festivities begin
to line up outfits
that you will feel your best in.
Outfits that make your heart happy to wear.

Being in charge of family holidays
means you want to feel your best
in order to bring your best.
For me clothes help.

Just like packing for a trip
I like to think through the events of the weekend
plan outfits that I know I feel comfortable in
enjoy wearing.

In my younger years
I missed this simple concept
only to find self scrambling before
every event 
to pull something together to wear.
Trust me
this was not emotionally pretty
for me
or the ripple effect that ensued.

Plan what you want to wear
ahead of the need.

Cherish The Small Moments

To me this is what 
Self Care During The Holidays
is all about.

Self Care which leaves you whole and grounded
so you can be truly present
 in the small moments 
that are really can be the big spectacular
joyful moments
we really are searching for during the holidays.

One  of my favorite moments from this last Thanksgiving was  just that.

Sitting at South Coast Repetory watching the  Christmas Carol
with my family like we have done for so many years.
My knee barely touching my son who had returned
after three missed Chrismass.
But he was there in that moment
like he had always been before.
My heart quietly overflowed
with gratitude for answered prayers
for the quiet joy of   that life moment.

When an estrangement ends
after the initial ecstatic embraces
there is much uncharted waters still to navigate.
I don't know what the future will bring.
But I will always have that quiet moment
when he was There
in the flesh and in the heart.
He didn't quickly move away.
We were physically connected.
After such heartache over the situation of his chosen estrangement
I committed that moment into my heart
can pull up 
at a moments notice.
To remember hope is real.
An unconditional love can happen.

I could  do this because 
I realized 
the need for
 Self Care During the Holidays.

And I'm old enough now 
to know sometimes
life is savored in the quiet moments 
when you least expect it.

Taking good care of ourselves
we can love on others so much better
be present when sacred heart moments do occur.

My wish for you this holiday season
is self care
so you can show up with grace in your heart
an ability to
 cherish the sacred moments
that can be mixed in all of the hustle and bustle of the season.

As always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life


  1. Fabulous post, Tamera, and such a good reminder to stay in the moment and enjoy the season!

    1. Thank you ever so much Susan, for your visit and words! Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season!


  2. Great post! Its so easy to get so stressed trying to do everything perfect that one ends up not enjoying the holidays and sometimes giving a hard time to everyone else.
    Enjoy your Xmas :)

  3. Wise words Tamera , it is for so many such a stressful time of year and it really should just be about the joy of sharing time with the ones we love. All my best wishes to you and your family for a happy and healthy holiday season. xx

  4. This is such an exquisite post, Tamera. I will read it again and again as it contains such words of wisdom and beauty. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

  5. Mindfulness and staying in the moment is so important, as you exquisitely write in this post. Thanks for the reminders. Wishing you a beautiful holiday season with your family and friends.

  6. What a wise knowledge not only for xmas time but for our entire life to fill it with happiness and love. Wishing you a merry X-mas and
    the best for you and your familie for 2016. Hugs....

  7. I saved reading this post until I had some quiet time to reflect - and it was so worth it! Thank you Tamera for bringing the season into focus for me, as I struggle with a family issue as the Christmas festivities come. You are so wise and thoughtful, and show us the way to focus on what is important. Wishing you the most beautiful Christmas time with your loved ones. Blessings. xoxo

  8. Thank you Tamera. This is great practical wisdom to reflect and act on. Christmas can bring real sadness for those who've lost loved ones. As we plan and decorate and cook before gathering around the table, the memories of those who've died - parents, a lost child (less than three weeks after a long ago Christmas), aunts and uncles, a cousin, friends - bring out grief we keep hidden and private at most other times. But for the sake of our young generation we must not allow ourselves to be dragged down too far by grief - and must live in the moment and celebrate Christmas and the birth of Christ with the loved ones who are here with us.
    I'm so glad your son has returned to the family and hope all goes well for you all this Christmas. With best wishes, Pammie

  9. I'm about to put a post together for Christmas eve and hope you don't mind if I put a link through to this - so sage, such tender words and loving advice.
    Wishing you a joyful vacation and very Happy Christmas!
    Anna x