Hello Monday … Hello Intentional Gratitude



I have realized through intentionally practicing gratitude
that when I am feeling  the least grateful
that is exactly
 when I need to dig deeper 
to find my gratitude.


I am a very all or nothing person
and
 this is never a successful outlook on life 
so I have to remind myself

 life is always filled with peaks and valleys
and
it is in life's valleys
that gratitude is most helpful
in getting to the next peak.


When I'm in a bad mood
or feeling depressed
my mind becomes a negative collector
mentally sweeping through all the areas of my life
to make a stand  that 
my life sucks
and
 everything is wrong.

In those moments
I have temporary blindness to any
and all good
and the rabbit hole 
 opens up with a siren song.


I am ready to blame anybody 
and
 everybody for my disappointments
to focus on hurt and position for attack 
and
 invariably
make my day 
and relationships 
all the worse.


So now when I  feel that kind of  bad
and can't quite 
get to the gratitude
I  back up
and ask myself
what is really going on
because I know by now
when I'm there
it's not really about others.


Today I know it is a frustration
over a relationship
that I can't control.
That I must remind myself
sometimes you must accept estrangements.

I can't choose to feel so bad about it
that I use it as an excuse 
not to seek out a beautiful life.


Today
I know I am also frustrated with myself
for a adding on 5 pounds recently.
I could blame menopause
but I know it is really loosing focus on
some daily choices.

Usually when I feel this disappointment
I go into self punishing mode
of denial.
Which invariably ends up
with even more bad choices
made to escape the harsh punishment.


So today
instead of going into these old modes of behavior
I am making new and different choices.

I  am going to dress myself lovingly today
in the body I have today.
I will  work to change my mental dialogue 
to kind and loving affirmations.


I will make a list of the l things I am grateful for today like

quiet coffee time
my bedroom sanctuary
free time 
that I have great wardrobe pieces to pull from
that we got marvelous rain this weekend
it is sunny today
and
that I am healthy.

I will realize today
that when I am feeling down
finding faults in others
or myself
will never improve my situation
but 
self kindness can.

Instead of trolling for the bad

I can remind myself
that having a bad day
doesn't mean it's a bad life.

I can take time for 
self kindness
instead of self punishment.


Today I am going take the time
to nurture myself
and
 practice self care
and for that
I am grateful.


as always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you find your own life gratitudes












17 comments:

  1. Is not odd that what was good and satisfactory yesterday can be lacking today when we dwell on a sad part of our lives? I recognized myself in your thoughts today. Yesterday, I listened to a TED hour about happiness, and it reminded me how much effort must be put into achieving happiness much like it takes work to be grateful. Wonderful post, Tamera

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    1. Cornelia … yes, you are quite poignant in your words … "what was good and satisfactory yesterday, can be lacking today when we dwell on a sad part of our lives" … so very true! I guess that's exactly why I spend so much time with intentional gratitude, I'm trying to get myself unstuck from just getting heart snags with the sad part of my life.

      What TED talk did you listen to? I'd love to hear it!!

      As always my dear Cornelia … thank you for your visit and your insightful words!

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  2. Thoughtful words , dealing with the rollcoaster that is life is I think for most of us is an ongoing process. Recognising this is at least for me makes coping so much easier. Be gentle and kind to yourself , appreciate the wonderful woman that you are, the acceptance of what we cant control will follow. x

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    1. Jill thank you for your very insightful words! Yes, I often have to remind myself that the ups and downs are a part of life … even though I try to fight this recognition sometimes. I am trying hard to accept what I can't control … it's just hard to watch sometimes.

      Thank you dear Jill for stopping by with your loving and supportive words! They mean much to me.

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  3. What a well-worded post. There are some days when feeling grateful just doesn't work for me. Some days when I just have to let those bad feelings of pessimism be but only for a few hours or a day. I think at my age (46) hormones are often the source of some let's call it 'different' behavior and mindsets. When I suspect that the H word is behind my crankiness or sadness I try to do something relaxing or tackle a small project that will distract me and make me feel productive when its complete. Or turn on an old movie and make a pot of tea - wait for the storm to pass. I think it's okay to feel crappy feelings sometimes - they help illuminate the good feelings when they return. It's just when it goes on day after day that you know you've got to take action.
    Hoping you're feeling better today...xoxox, A

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    1. Awww Adrienne I just love your comment! I was out shopping yesterday when I read it on my phone … it cheered me so! I must admit too … sometimes being grateful is hard in moments of 'different behavior and mindsets' … I just love your taking time to simply acknowledge … and ride it out. Excellent advice my friend!

      I just have to be ever vigilant since I have had a life long struggle with depression … not to slip down the rabbit hole …or make to comfy a bed down there. I do get confused with the concept of depression though … sometimes life is just sad … and those of us who are heavy feelers … can just get swept off course with out an advance plan.

      Adrienne thank youso very much for your wise and cheerful comment! It truly helped my mood!

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  4. Thank you for this beautiful post, which I really needed to read today.. I am having a hard time controlling things with my guys and school and I get really down about that. I think it must be hard what you are going through as well, and I am so glad you shared.

    You are so right, when we least feel like it, gratitude for what we do have, helps so much.
    I wish you a good week dear Tamera. Thinking of you. xx Kim

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    1. Kim thank you for your lovely comment. I remember only too well how very much is involved in mothering boys of your's age … especially when it comes to the 'controlling things' part. Looking back from a little further down the road … maybe there really is no controlling … just hope for nurturing things in the right direction. I have three children … who all came from the same home … and they have made differing choices. This is only to say … be kind to yourself my dear. We can only do so much to affect another's behavior … even and maybe especially our own children.

      Thank you so much for your sharing words … they touched my heart.

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  5. Oh my dear friend, these photo's are breathtaking as well as the words. By the way, I blame a whole lot of things on menopause, I think its a great excuse. I so cherish your wording on the peaks and valleys of life, isn't that the truth, and simply trying to find something postive and grateful is a wonderful way to climb the next peak. I also cherish being able to grab another's hand or share a tear or laugher also helps climb that peak.

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    1. Thank you dearest Trina for your sweet and encouraging words! You are so right … "being able to grab another's hand or share a tear or laughter" … definitely does help in climbing out to the valley to a new peak! So wished you lived closer my friend!

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  6. Such an honest and inspirational post, Tamera! The photos are a lovely illustration of picking up our heads and seeking out the beauty that is all around us. Don't be too hard on yourself for your "all or nothing" tendency...you have the capacity to feel things deeply which can be very powerful.

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    1. Thank you my dear for your very kind and encouraging words … they are very much appreciated!

      xoxo
      Tamera

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  7. You are very wise...
    paddling along on the tides as they swell and recede is a lot like life isn't it?
    One never can tell if it will be calm seas or gale force winds.
    Your boat coming back into a safe harbour is lovely as are your gratitude thoughts.

    Looks like a Catalina 30...we had one and used to sail a 27 when the children were young....
    as for those 5 pounds, you'll get back on track when you are ready.
    Baby steps work for me...small changes implemented over time reap huge rewards.
    Hugs,
    XO

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  8. Love this post. My main source of stress and worry is my career and work. I'm starting a new role today and am anxious about it. I try to focus on my child and how lucky I am to have him. Sometimes life is overwhelming and I wish things could be simpler and easy and less stressful and busy for us all. Wishing you the best x

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  9. Dear Tamera,
    I apologize for not being able to respond to your post from last week. Seems as though time escapes me some days and I can't fit everything in. That is one reason I applaud you and all other bloggers who not only write several times a week but also include IG or Facebook in their daily schedule. What a task at hand, the pressure would be too much for me! As for your strained relationship I can only tell you that it is not about you, it is about them. This is one of The Four Agreements written by Miguel Ruiz, an author I saw on Ophra. After reading the book many years ago, my attitude about people and life changed dramatically. I wish I could have read this 25 years ago, it would have saved me much worry. I, too, struggle to keep from falling down the rabbit hole again. Depression took hold of my mother at a young age and invariably she missed so much of the good in her life. She was tormented by what she thought other people were saying about her, mostly family members. I remember not grasping why these people had such an effect on her. After she passed, I was very saddened by not having her in my life, and despite my knowledge of depression I too followed somewhat in her footsteps but not nearly as bad. Every day is a challenge, thinking I am not smart enough, good enough, thin enough, rich enough. There are people who would be shocked to know what I feel. So it is not shocking to me that you travel along this road also. What I would give to be as beautiful and stylish as you! No matter how much we have at the moment, it never seems to be enough. And if you want to blame the big "M" go right ahead because I am still experiencing many of its symptoms! It adds to the pain we already feel. But I am so very grateful for what the universe has given me and know that I deserve everything good in this life, as do you. We need to stop, take time and remember how much we are valued if not by ourselves, but by others. When all the good is added up you will see your worth! Sometimes it does take the bad moments to make you realize what the good ones have given us. And maybe the "pitty parties" we throw for ourselves once in a while are inspiration for the "gratitude parties" we should celebrate everyday. I need to remind myself of this often.
    I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, just know that I have walked in your footsteps and wish you many daily thoughts of gratitude!
    Joanne xoxo

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  10. just discovered your blog. I am really enjoying it.

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