Hello Monday ... Hello Gratitude ... Hello Judith

Hello to December's first Monday
Hello to Gratitude
always
 one of my favorite monthly link ups
because of my love, not only of hats
but my love of Judith as well.

Today I am grateful for 
clothes that comfort
and embrace

Clothes that can give you that extra boost
when you need it most
Clothes that can make getting out of bed
and
 out into the world
a reality
even when your heart breaks.

I mentioned last week 
I have had an emotional time of late.
I have thought long and hard
whether I would mention why...

but this is a space that is mine
and where I am honest 
about things of the heart.

My oldest son has decided at this time in his life
he doesn't want to be a part of our family.
Having a child choosing to estrange themselves 
form your family
brings a plethora
of complicated emotions

even if the writing has been on the wall.

Having this happen at the holidays
further complicates the emotions

Don't get me wrong
as much as my heart is broken
I know there are much worse holiday scenarios.
It was the holiday season many, many years ago
that my sister died.

I hope in my heart of hearts
my son won't always feel this way.
Ironically I made the same choice at his age.
Only to later realize the importance 
and privilege of family.

Right now
it is what it is.
I must respect his decision.

I send him  much love and prayers
and 
I will always be here for him.

I also know
sometimes 
when your heart breaks open
you can  also see the true beauty
in your life
with more clarity of heart.

So this week even with a very tender heart

it is full of gratitude

especially for my Dad's health
for a lovely time spent with family  this Thanksgiving.

My heart is grateful for my daughter
and 
younger son
and 
the privilege of spending time with them.

I am so grateful that my husband and I are
close once again ... on the same side.

I am so  very grateful for our family.

My heart is full of family love
and 
so grateful for spending time with my girl
and 
counting the days until
she returns once again for the holidays.

I am grateful we found our tree
and
 that my favorite season 
is officially under way.

I am grateful for Christmas carols and the depth of emotion they can add 
at a moments notice.

I am grateful to find creative inspiration
in so many places!

I was inspired with this lovely bunting
in Old Town Orange
and 
can't wait to make some myself!

I am happy I have my holiday plantings done
and 
outside rooms decorated

I can't wait to share them!

I am grateful for quiet times and morning candlelight
Time to reflect
and
 count my blessing
with a grateful heart.

I am so very grateful for you  who stop by...
I am ever so grateful for this loving
supporting community
where we can honestly share

and be
Grateful.


as always my friends

I wish you love and joy
as you style your life
and 
count your blessings


linking up with





36 comments:

  1. Tamera, you are such a strong, amazing woman. I have two sons and a daughter. I know the pain you are experiencing...though it has not happened to me...I can imagine how it would feel just thinking about my sons. You did the same thing...you grew...you loved...you forgave...and you returned. He will as well...I believe that. Prayer is a powerful tool.
    On a less serious note, that top picture is amazing...you are beautiful, the setting is trendy, and the outfit fun. Be a peace...and give your Son to His Creator to oversee for this important time of a young man's life. HE will not let go.

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    1. Thank you Pam for your encouraging words ... they are gifts to my momma soul.

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  2. That must be hard for you when you are so family oriented. I do think it isn't until later in life that you realize all that your family has done for you. I am sure he will come around. In the meantime you have a positive attitude that I admire, sticking with what you are thankful for.

    Big hugs!
    bisous
    Suzanne

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    1. Thank you dear Suzanne ... I appreciate your kind words!

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  3. Oh Tamera. It is truly a sad and beautiful life, isn't it? Never be afraid to let it out on your blog. There's lots of love out here. Kindred spirits abound. Wishing you all the best. Love, Connie*

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    1. Thank you dear Connie for your kindness and love.

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  4. Ah, Tamera...my heart goes out to you, not only for the temporary loss of your son, but also in great admiration for your allowing the pain to be seen...it has been my experience that THAT is when healing begins...warm hugs to you...

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    1. Thank you ever so much Margy ... for your well chosen words ... they are truly a gift to my soul.

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  5. Life has so much pain and sorrow, mixed in with the exhilarating "wonderfulness", happiness and joy.
    I have a 44 year old daughter who is mentally handicapped, and who has lived in a small home with other "children" like her since she was 4 years old. It's been a never ending painful experience for me, with huge guilt thrown in for good measure.....so I know how you must feel.
    Your son will find his way back home on his own time and place.......I just KNOW it.

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    1. Thank you dear Catherine for your kind words ... and even more so, for sharing your story. I send you much love ... I can only imagine the pain you have endured ... and I know, you still have such capacity to celebrate the beauty in life, as well.

      xoxo

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  6. As always, your honesty and your beautiful writing gives me pause and gives me peace. To know that we all have pain and we all survive and find joy in what we can. You are an amazing woman. Your son has the love of his family, buried deep inside of him. Time will show him that his roots are the best things in his world. The will get dry and thirsty, and he will return for the nourishment and "rain" of a family who loves him. Your family is in my prayers.

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    1. Dear Barb, you always have such artistry with your words ... I thank you dear friend from the bottom of my heart.

      Yes, I think there is a peace in knowing ... we all have pain ... and we can survive it ... and still find joy in life. There is beauty in the ability to recognize ... that we all share this journey called life. Mine is so very much richer ... knowing you!

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  7. Life is so full of joys and sorrows, always deeply felt , particularly in this holiday season. My own daughter was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour on Christmas Eve and left us 23 months later, she was nearly nine. You are a wonderful , loving, caring human being, so sharing and open . In time your son will return to his family in his own way on his time....Take care, be kind to yourself.

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    1. Thank you dear Jill, for your encouraging words ... and for sharing your story ... I know that pain must be nearly impossible to bear at times. I send you so much love!

      I am so happy and proud to see your new blog is progressing beautifully!

      xoxo

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  8. Your words are beautifully written. I know your son will find his way home to you and the rest of your family...sometimes we need to wander to truly appreciate ALL that we have. Love your outfit and your hat is brilliant! hugs and blessings, C. (HHL)

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    1. Thank so very much for your kind and encouraging words my dear! I am ever so grateful for them!

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  9. I am so sorry to read this and hope with time that your son comes back...My child is only 2 but the thought of him not wanting to be near me and part of our family is very sad. It is just so terrible, and like Jill said above, things can just change in a moment for the worse. Take care x

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    1. Thank you my dear for your kind words ... and you are quite right ... as sad as this is to me, I know things can be so very much worse ... that is why even with some pain, I have such a grateful heart!

      Thank you so much for stopping by ... with such kindness. I truly appreciate your visit!

      xoxo

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  10. Tamera dear-I saw this brief glimpse on instagram and shared my concern and care. The holidays-so beautiful and yet bittersweet. I know you, like me, have experienced a heartbreaking loss during the holidays. I'm finding that certain Christmas carols make me cry this season. It's all part of that bittersweet mix. I feel so certain that your son will find his way back to the fold, in time, with knowledge and appreciation of just how much family means. In the mean time, can't wait to see photos of your holiday decor and your family is lovely. You look gorgeous-as usual. xx, Heather

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    1. Dear Heather, thank you so very much for your continual care and concern ... it truly touches my heart! Your solid encouragement sincerely makes a difference.

      I send much love back to you ... and prayers that your loving heart will hold much more joy season!

      Your shop is filling up with such beautiful pieces .... so wonderfully curated!

      xoxo

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  11. I respect your open heart here even although you are vulnerable.
    Family stuff is fraught with emotion...I hope that you will find solace.

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    1. Thank you so very much for your kind words of comfort and understanding.

      xoxo

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  12. Your writing is beautiful. And that is what made me start to follow your blog. I also love your outfits and am a fellow hat person. Sharing your heartache is so brave and as others have said and experienced your son will return to you I have seen this happen to tooo many loving families but they always come back.

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    1. Thank you Anne for your kind and encouraging words ... they are very much appreciated!

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  13. I'm so sorry you feel heartbroken, Tamera, your honesty and openness is very touching. As you say, many of us make choices in our youth which we either regret, or row back from, in our later years, but it is the right of all of us to make those decisions for ourselves. You are amazingly strong and understanding to respect your son's choice for now; who knows what the future will bring? It's hard to focus on the good things when you feel sad, so I appreciate your ability to do so, knowing that I probably would not manage it quite so graciously...
    Much love to you. xxxx

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    1. Thank you Curtise, so very much for your words of comfort and encouragement ... they help heal my heart. Sending grateful love back to you my dear!

      xoxo

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  14. oh Tamera - I follow your blog closely and admire your openness and honesty so much - A mother's heart is truly an amazing thing. I have 2 sons and a daughter...my middle son left us too for a brief time - he specifically would not speak with me or answer any of my calls,texts emails - nothing. I was broken heartened. The last text I sent to him I told him that my love for him was not measured by anything he said or did - it couldn't be contained or changed. I loved him unconditionally. Many months went by and the sweetness of his return can not be explained - I opened the door one day and there he stood until he fell in my arms. I never asked him to explain. It really didn't matter. Now 2 years later, he's happily married and thriving and recently told me that he couldn't talk to me during that time because he knew that hearing my voice would break his heart -he knew how hurt I was (i think his siblings blasted him ;-)....I think sometimes young men need to "break" themselves away, to be totally independent to FEEL like Men instead of boys (to which they will always be to their moms) and it's ALL good. YOU will be on my mind and I will be praying - so keep us updated. Much love to you beautiful Tamera! - Pamela

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    1. Pamela .... thank you so very much ... for your loving words ... and especially for sharing your story ... it truly gives me hope. My last text to my son ... was almost identical to yours. It has been a long path, fraught with anger, disappointment and hurt. But now, I have moved through that ... to realize I might not have liked much of his recent behavior ... but I will always love him. Period. So maybe this path he and I are on ... is really a journey of the soul ... and we are where we need to be right now.

      Thank you ever so much, for taking the time to extend such hope ... and for being able to relate, to such a heartbreaking situation. I take much comfort in hoping our situation might resolve it's self as beautifully as yours.

      With much gratitude and love,
      Tamera

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  15. Tamera Mother child relationships are 'under a rainbow of blood and bone', as the poet Gwen MacEwan wrote. Your body once enclosed his whole person...he WILL remember that safe place one day. You are brave in sharing. Warm thoughts, Eleanore

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  16. I read this in the car on the way home from a trip yesterday and it made me so sad mostly because I know how much of yourself you give to your family and how much you adore all three of your children. Your heart surely is breaking from this situation. Like many other commenters have said, I feel certain he will come around again someday and realize how important and how loving his family really is.
    Sending loving thoughts and a big hug your way.

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  17. Dear Tamera, You bring tears to my eyes as you share the sad story of your son and his decision to be estranged. I am grateful today that you open yourself in this way, as it is the cracks in our hearts that let the light in. Even in pain you are able to see and create beauty, in your relationships, art and how you adorn yourself and your beloved surroundings.

    Thank you for your kind words and all that you contribute to those of us that connect with your energy. Thank you for sharing yourself with Hat Attack. I am honored.

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  18. Slater is deep and expansive.
    In order for him to feel the freedom to expand to his full potential, he needs lots of space. His expansion is rooted upon what he knows. What he's learning is growing him. But just like the bloodtype in his veins, the DNA in his body, the Beardsley name, you and Jeff are already iterwoven through every part of him. As you have periodically ripped out beautiful vines in your garden, removed flowering plants, reorganized and sheared to the root base, so is he. The growth required to reach his full potential may requre just as much. And his garden will take new form and bloom full, just as you've always intended for him. His garden may look different than you'd envisioned for him, yet it's the garden the Giver of Life intends for him. And, as he is your independently minded and Jeff's independently moved across the country from family's son, it may be .. your DNA and influence are so strong upon Slater, he's simply following the do-it-yourself mindset and work ethic exemplified.
    As each seek their own, he will come home. I've no doubt he simply needs a bit more space, to expand and roam. After all, he is a middle child, and for that reason alone his walk is harder. And for that reason as well as many others, there will be Slater Beardsley, the boy you reared who is becoming a man.
    Don't worry, Tamera. He will come home. Just keep the light on for him.

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  19. Tamera I've been thinking of you lately and wondering how you were doing. And I'm so glad I finally had a chance to visit your blog tonight because this post is just so incredible. I don't know whether I'm more moved by your openness and vulnerability about your son or the beautiful way you continue to express your gratitude...or the amazing comments I've just read. But I could relate to so many of the words you wrote here. And regarding your son...well, I'm just so sorry. Sorry for his struggle and sorry for the ache that you and everyone else feels during this time. Until he returns let's just pray he stays safe and healthy.
    xo
    Leslie
    P.S. I'm so happy your daughter is coming home on Friday!

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  20. Sue mentionned it in one of her e-mail - I know what you are going through - I have the same problem with my beloved daughter - She will not speak to me for whatever reason that i don't understand - It's painful, she is the love of my life, there is an empty space in my heart - We have to respect their decision i guess but it's hard - I sometimes panic, i'm afraid i will never see her again -
    I know what you are feeling and i'm with you

    Arianexo

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