.... she said my blog was too painful to read ....

 She said my blog was too painful to read...
she is... a very close friend... and she even knows my true story details off the blog.

My blog is too painful for her to read...

as it makes her feel bad... 
it brings out the comparison in her.

 She told me this months ago...
but this week I was thinking about the topic...
as I could relate to her honesty.

For me it was a week of....
if I saw one more perfect shot on instagram...
or fabulous post...
of a perfect moments... 
I thought I was sure to explode...
as I could feel the winds of life comparing start to swirl.


 I don't feel that breeze very often
I actually work very hard to avoid this soul stripping draft...
but sometimes... it moves in.

It usually moves in  particularly frustrating times...
When try as I might...
I can't achieve balance in my life...

personal time...
family needs..
developing a career...
attending to projects...


I get one ball going really well...
and the rest seem to take the preverbal tumble...


 In the best of times I can chuckle at my eternal hope that there will ever be a true balance...

but when the winds start blowing...
I am once again faced with the fact that I ....
being a struggling perfectionist... 

swim in  the twin pools
 of all or nothing...
trying always to navigate their murky waters...

to find balance it their currents.

When I feel unbalanced
 it once again gets me  questioning the value for me of blogging...

~does it even mean anything?
~ am I adding anything positive to this conversation on our journey of life
that we are all a part of?
~ or am I just putting out soul crushing visuals of 
implied expectations... and comparisons.

.... and
 usually when my questioning starts to quell...
I receive a sweet, sweet comment from...
a stranger...
there is a connection...
and ...
an ahhh moment....
and
I remember why
I blog...

It is the connections that we make...
on this journey we choose to travel...
it is  the one soul acknowledging another...
....moments of understanding...
....you too...



thank you .

as always dear friends...
I wish you much love and joy
as you find balance in your life.








39 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post, dear Tamera.
    We always feel these thoughts. They are part of being alive.It is a matter of facing them with inner calm and flow.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a gift your sage wisdom truly is my dear! Thank you!

      Delete
  2. I so agree with this post.

    I have been questioning everything about life lately as we have been going through some very trying times in my family due to illness. I wrote yesterday about my thoughts on the validity of blogging.

    I'm still trying to figure it out.

    I do love your musings. And your photos.

    Is it worth the extended effort on your part? only you can answer that.

    bisous
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I read your post Suzanne... I am so sorry you are going through trying times...

      I have decided blogging is worth my effort... only because of the wonderful women I have been able to 'meet'. You will be im my thoughts this week as you wait for next weeks news.

      Delete
  3. Hi Tamera~Simply put....I understand. I have the same questions on some days. The balance is very difficult~between my career, my online boutique, my blogging and family life. Sometimes I'll post a beautiful blog post but look around at my laundry piles and unmade up self and realize the contrast. Hmmmm....that said, I love the creativity of blogging, the amazing women (such as yourself-and yes I AGREE-wish we were neighbors to enjoy each other's alfresco spaces;). I have connected with women, in similar life spaces, from around the world. In this way this year of blogging has expanded my world. I love to share tips, ideas and inspirations and it's the perfect outlet for that.
    Tamera, you share you love of beauty and your eye for beauty in your blog. You also, and most essentially, share your authentic self in a post like this. You actually do 'real life' beautifully.
    I appreciate your blog and that we have connected.
    xx, Heather

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heather... that is absolutely one of the nicest compliments ever... "that I do real life beautiful". Thank you... that warms my heart!

      Wish you were here... Friday afternoons are always perfect for a little alfresco dining!

      Thank you so very much for taking the time to leave such a beautiful gift of words!

      Delete
  4. I did not begin to blog for connections...but then the connections began to grow and become real. Around the world I had friends and women I "connected" with. It is the icing on the cake. Comparisons are deadly...always will be. I open my blog each morning to see what sweet surprise lies there from a new or old friend. I did not begin to blog for the connections, but now I DO blog for the connections. They are inspirational...like you are Tamera.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pam you inspire so many and I am among them!

      Delete
  5. I love this. I love you. I love your blog. I'm glad I found you. xo, ab

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you my dear Anne! Right back at you!!

      Delete
  6. Very, very nice post. I can say to you what you sad to us - I wish you much love and joy as you find balance in your life

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Natasha, thank you so very much my dear!

      Delete
  7. Thank you for such wonderful words. They've arrived at the perfect moment. It is in our nature to question, but also to let go ( I think).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Giova thank you for your kind words and your visit from the very beautiful Amsterdam! You are right about questioning... and for me writing about the questions does make it so much easier to let them go!

      Delete
  8. Beautifully written. I love if I may say this, how God will simultaneously use whomever he chooses at the very same time to get a point across. I too was feeling this way this week! I have tons of balls all in the air and many very close to falling. I came to the end of myself a bit this week and decided to make peace with parts of my life, schedule that I can't maintain as well, and press on in the other areas. You, wife, mom, crafer, runner, etc,. etc. Oh, she can do this, why can't I? Well, enough is enough.

    I will stop for now, but know that I have been on both ends of the spectrum and I say keep blogging. It might only be for "1" person who needs to read an encouraging word or two!

    Blessings,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so very much Shon! Your kind words are a gift to my soul! I commend you on making peace with the parts of your life. I think that is so much of the key to finding balance. I am finding making peace with the different parts of my life needs daily reflection and a big serving of personal grace for me to find mine. thank you for your encouragement this week my dear!

      Delete
  9. I meant to type, you know, wife, mom...

    ReplyDelete
  10. What a lovely post! I agree with so much of what you've written, my dear, I am going through a similar period myself. When times feel hard it is good to remind oneself of the value of all we already have, absolutely, and the companionship that we gain from eachother through blogging.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Emalina such true advice! I am happy to hear the fog is lifting in your world.

      Delete
  11. I didn't start my blog to connect with kindred spirits, but that is what has happened, and it makes the hours that I put into shooting photos, editing, writing posts, etc. all worthwhile. I too have a friend who will stop following my blog periodically, because she says it makes her sad to see me happy and having adventures when her life is not like that. I can only live my life, not hers, and in the most kind and creative way that I can, as all of the women I've connected to via blogging try to do. Thanks for this post Tamera, it is a reminder to acknowlege the things we have to be grateful for in our lives, which includes the presence of wonderful women like yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shelly, heartfelt thanks for your kind words! Thank you also for sharing your adventures in Denver celebrating the ever inspiring Judith's birthday! What a magical adventure that truly must have been!

      Delete
  12. Once again, Tamera,your words transpire into inspiration and motivation for me. You are more beautiful on the inside than on the outside (and you ain't to shabby. girl!) I am honored to have spent sometime communicating with you, your words are so honest and filled with such a wonderful spirit. It may be to painful for your friend to read, and her honesty is something to be respected. But your blogging has touched many as you can see by these comments. And you must keep blogging! I look forward to reading what you have to share, to look at your lovely photos, they feel so joyful and refreshed.Well, I could go on forever... Just know that your blog is one of my favorites and I thank you for what you do. Best Always, B

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahhh Barb thank you so very much! I gain as much from you...your well chosen words are always a gift that goes straight to my soul! I am looking forward to the prospect of your blog!

      Sending you love,
      the blog evangelist :)

      Delete
  13. We all use our blogs as this little niche away from daily life which is not always easy and certainly more than a gorgeous pair of shoes.
    But as Pam already said, I also didn't start my blog for connections but soon realised that there are fantastic women out here who became close after a short time.
    Especially (but not exclusively) blogs targeted at women of our age group seem to incorporate more than dresses and handbags but also the person behind the blog.

    All the best for you, Tamera and a special thought for Suzanne and her husband.

    Annette
    Lady of Style

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Annette your words are so rich and well spoken! I couldn't agree more, that blogging among our age group has so very much more substance than just a gorgeous pair of shoes... but the shoes can always be a fun jumping off point! I am so happy to have found you and your stylish blog and I so enjoyed your recent Italian travel photos!

      Delete
  14. Hope you have your concerns sorted out! Personally, I'm glad that I'm not a perfectionist. I always say I'm too lazy for that! Let the winds change, the tides ebb, whatever. Life goes on.....

    Much love from England,
    Rosemary from www.foreveronthecatwalkoflife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Your blog is so cool :) come and see mě and maybe we can follow each other ?:)

    Let mě know.

    www.olivains.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. So beautiful Tamara. I wrote a similar post about pulling back the curtains of our lives here:
    http://luxuria-jewellery.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/5-things-im-afraid-to-tell-you.html
    It was actually my most commented blog post ever. I think people are starting to move past the gloss of gorgeous images and now they are only giving time to real, authentic posts xx

    ReplyDelete
  17. Tamera, Know we are all comparing our own lives to the beauty YOU radiate. There is much mess amongst us all. You find and portray beauty.. loudly. Don't be hard on yourself. If nothing else, just plain you (not the flowers, decor, furniture, places, food, posts) is beautiful. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Interesting point you have brought up.

    There was an article in Cosmo uk about bloggers who might border upon narcissists and what slant it was all going.

    There are great bloggers and some ones you don't connect to just like everything else.

    To be frank, a blog is an outlet of creativity and expression.

    Some of my fiends don't read my blog but then I do see them regularly.

    But one of my friends who lives in another country said that my blog is just like having a chat over offer with me.

    I love most blogs bc they slow a trueness that mags just don't convey.

    I hope you don't hesitate to keep blogging...

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am glad that you found meaning in your blog! This is a balancing time for the Earth too, the beginning of Spring. Change is everywhere!

    ReplyDelete
  20. just breath and write.... this wonderful blog is an extension of you, I enjoyed my visit, I subscribed, I look forward to many more. Wishing you joy! Katherine

    ReplyDelete
  21. Achieving that balance is a dance I'm always practicing!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Comparison .. those living their calling don't think to compare, for satisfaction is found in the experience of achieving one's personal best, and celebrating the same alongside others.

    Comparison obliterates compassion. Comparison compels compulsion.
    Comparision severs companionship.
    Comparison breathes criticism.
    Comparision breeds contempt.
    Comparison can ignite.
    Comparison can affirm.
    Comparison can partner.
    Comparison can inspire.

    What we do with comparison is our choice.
    Personally, I just Love it when you express your gifting.
    Always have, quite likely, always will! :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Your post resonates with me in so many ways. To have found connection in the world of blogging has been a surprising adventure. Like you, at times I question why I continue, but there is always an answer to that question the next morning in the form of a comment or a blob post by someone like you who inspires and captures beauty to express in some way that touches me. Your voice and self expression is important!

    ReplyDelete
  24. This post raises many issues about blogging, Tamera - about reality and surface, what we portray for public consumption and our private lives, real life friends and blog friends, appreciation of others and comparison with them...
    We can't help other people's reactions to our blogs, to our lives, though we can be sensitive to them. And whenever I feel a stab of envy at someone else's apparently perfect existence as seen on their blog, I remind myself that it is a highly edited version of their life. Most of us don't display the mess, the clutter, the accidents, the crap! Either physical or figurative, we tend to keep that stuff to ourselves to deal with in private.
    We're all just muddling through, doing our best or thereabouts. I hope you continue to blog, I agree with all the comments about the value of the connections and friendships which can be built through blogging. xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  25. Balancing all the balls in the air - ha, so many of our generation can understand exactly what you mean, feeling the same way, trying to keep all the balls up in the air and not go mad at the same time. I often wonder why we need to juggle so many balls, why are we not content with the simpler expectations of previous generations. But I guess I always come to the same conclusion: that those of us who want to experience life to the max are also those of us who probably do take on more than we can manage, because we actually like it that way. Why else do we not put some of the balls down? Fabulous discussion - best held over dinner with good red wine!!

    As for blogging, for me it is all about the extraordinary friendships that I have made with people from all over the world, with similar views but different life experiences, and the richness of sharing thoughts which can inspire, can be food for thought, or which can simply be supportive. So I hope you continue to blog too.

    ReplyDelete
  26. So interesting to read everyone's thoughts on this post. Comparison is such a thief of joy... so hard to keep in check sometimes. I know that with your blog I come away feeling inspired, and I thank you for that! :)

    ReplyDelete