will I always feel bad.....

Will I always feel bad I didn't fully acknowledge her pain?  that I told myself, if I could find a way to deal, so could she.  That she didn't really have a problem,


Because if I did acknowledge her pain it, it spoke too much about my own.........


I thought we were the same.... that she had what I had, I didn't know..... or was it that.......I wouldn't see...... how much pain she was in. Did I teach her by example.....to mask it.......not to speak of it..... implying it was no big deal.....it would go away, grow out of it?


Why did it take so long for me to realize her pain was different than mine......and hurt worse.  Was it my finally working to separate from her......so she could have her own life........and I could go on with mine........that I could see her more clearly...... see her pain......... for once..... so clearly.


But I do know, more than I have ever known anything, I will do whatever it takes to help her.......no matter the cost.....no matter my fear.


I know to help her find her road to help........she needs me to come........I know this requires me to .....open up all of my own......... I may not be the perfect mother........but I know with everything in me........ I will do whatever I need to do to help her..........no matter the cost.

Because.....I love her so very, very................




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