creative getaway....part four....taking photos of myself.

It has been a couple of weeks now, since my 'creative getaway'. As I get more comfortable with blogging I  have decided the authentic direction I want to take my blog.

  Originally, I

thought I  was interested in a 'lifestyle' blog.  The problem with that is I couldn't quite fit my life at the present time into those parameters. 

 You see, I am in a transitionary time in my life. Kids get older, life changes.

 For a year now I have been thinking when things calm down and get back to 'normal', I 'll start my pretty blog.  It will be full of decorating ideas and celebrating  'family style'.

 Previously, when my life was lined up so nicely, (at least in my head), I didn't have the time to dedicate to a blog at the level I wanted it to be.

Now I have the time, but my family has seemed to have moved on.

  I realize my blog in all honesty is about finding my next chapter, transitioning from full time parenting to what's next. 

 Somedays it is so sad to grieve the stages that have past, the cozy intimate moments when we were all so connected.

  Somedays it is so exhilarating, to have time to myself!  To have time to think what do I want, who am I, even having the time to decide what do I want to wear!

I have realized there is not going to be a day where everything lines up and I am all ok.

  There will be bad days, but I finally realize, there will also be good days, some even great days.

 I will embrace this new journey with love and gratitude to be allowed to have the time to search.

On reflection of my 'getaway weekend', I realized the most important part to me was taking pictures of myself.  It sounds odd, I know.  But in context of my life, I haven't had many pictures taken in the past few years, (decades, if truth be told).  Certainly not photos of just me, about me.  All the photos have been in the context of family; mom and kids or wife and husband, family portraits.

So at the hotel, after a day of adventures all by myself, with the luxury of free time, I decided to pull out my new ihone and document my stay with a photo of myself. Yes, it felt awkward. Yes, the first photos were really bad.  But I kept trying.  Taking photos of yourself might be a little tricky at first, but hey, there isn't much of an intimidation factor!  Nobody else gets to see them while you process the images in your own mind. And that fabulous delete button.  Long story short. a couple of hours later I actually had photos I like!

Seeing myself, just myself out of family context, felt so odd . It made me realize more than any other moment,   how I have so lost myself in the pursuit of the perfect family.  And yes, I realize now there is no such thing as a perfect family.  I just thought if I completely dedicated myself to that pursuit, we could come close.   Boy,,,,,,,, did I try. Unfortunately none of us really benefitted in my misguided attempt.

So here I am, trying to transition to new life chapters.  

Finding a bridge between family and self.

Me....getting a life.

The Photo Shoot 

The first couple of photos were inside, in front of a mirror.  This helped in the beginning to decide angles and what is showing up in the lens.

It also helped to shoot a little overhead with chin down to avoid the 'nostril' shots.

I took advantage of the setting sun and ocean view, and moved out to the balcony.  Yes, I did get some strange looks, but by now I was determined to get a new profile picture.

I was able to relax and smile, just thinking how silly self portraiture was looking to others.  My tip, laugh while you shoot yourself.

Another tip, take many, many, many photos. First, you will relax knowing you have many chances to get a good shot.  Second, the more you take, the more you will realize what works.  Taking pictures of yourself does take practice.  But remember, deleting is easy.

I took so many photos, and obviously I put up my good ones.   I hadn't thought of this post before now and being  a smart woman I deleted the bad photos.  But believe me, some of them were really bad.  That's ok.  I really just need one good one.

A long time shooting and deleting and a little time in iphoto.  I now have a profile photo I am very happy with.  It was worth the whole 'creative getaway', to get a photo of me that's just about.....me.