Disconnected Writings …
That is the phrase I woke up to this morning
a phrase that stuck with me
as I awoke.
The only lingering words of departing dreams
a catch phrase
as I turned it over and over in my mind
even before I opened my eyes.
I take lingering dreams seriously
I believe they have messages
to help me untangle
what I can't put into place
some waking days.
made me stop and try to decode the message.
I can always tell when I get to my truth
the realizations usually bring forth
a torrent of tears in the wake.
Not sad tears necessarily
more a release
of tensions that have been building
even without me knowing.
Tears and truth
can both be very freeing.
could be a name for my blog
because I do two things in this space.
I love to share style ideas.
But I also share my life truths.
I was in an unusually bad mood yesterday
one of those moods
that I just couldn't put my finger on
as I barreled through my to do lists.
No amount of accomplishment could undo the feeling.
I could feel in my mind
what I wanted to accomplish
but my heart just wasn't in it.
I was in the space I do to myself periodically.
High expectations of accomplishment
as a way
to distance myself from heartache.
Every since my Mother's Day
writing here about the estrangement
I feel I have doubled up my drive
to change my reality from sadness
I have even thought many times
about reverting that post to draft
as if that would change the reality.
I get the disconnected writings message.
I would love for this blog to be only about
the pretty and beautiful.
A space where only shiny ideas
are pristinely presented.
I wish I could be that person.
but I'm not
nor will I ever be.
I am someone
who will probably always have
a predisposition towards sadness and depression.
I will always be someone who feels
so very deeply
the good and the bad.
I know by now to
not to go down the rabbit hole
I have to practice a lot of
self care and self compassion.
I am sure
I was planning out my blog posts.
Shiny pretty posts
Really quick and easy
Posts that were as far away from
'that' post as I could get.
Today I realize
writing from my heart
about my real life
writing and sharing my
styling a beautiful life
don't have to be disconnected.
they are both my truths.
Having sadness in your life
you can't search for beauty in life.
Maybe it means
you need to search even harder
for the beauty
as a salve for your soul.
As a reminder
Even in darkness there is light.
I will take from
that it is OK if
writing from my heart about my real life
writing and sharing
my styling a beautiful life
I needn't feel embarrassed
that my life isn't perfect.
It doesn't detract from my ability
to create beauty.
On the contrary
my imperfect life
makes me able to truly appreciate
in the seasons of life.
And by the way ...
My Memorial Day decorating
really is quick and easy!
I have collected flags for years.
I simply group them in my planters
inside and out
for a burst of patriotic cheer!
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life